i was feeling very insecure the whole week
what can i say?
i'm a jealous guy...
it's embarrassing, but true
[perhaps another good reason i'm not partnered]
being with Stephen was great
like having a brother there
and, though not a rival
but another option.
he felt something similar
commenting many times on how everyone we met together lumped us together
both not easily classifiable
people assigned us each other's traits all the time.
i'm the more extreme
so people often enjoying talking with me
and i'm the more forward
so i went out and grabbed the ones in front of me
but he has a different sort of Fortune than i
certainly did this weekend
and got to play with a few guys that i'd really WANTED to play with... just couldn't get it together with
it's all in the timing...
and seeing that we've know SO many men in common
i'm sure this is not the first time or the last time...
he's already had more substantial relationships with a few guys i wish i could have
-- just came along a few years too late
that's what friends are for.
i feel sad.
being in the house i was staying at was kinda sad.
we were staying with a friend that we both knew slightly
who had a bit of turmoil
his house was a crazy wreck
the first day we arrived
we went through the "guest room"
which was his Past Lover's Studio (he'd killed him self almost two years ago)
the artwork was incredibly painful and unsettling for me
schizophrenic hallucinations and writing scrawled on the walls
-- cigarettes biting bloody fingers with Nicotine Patches on the arms and other bitten and bandaged fingers...
i reiki'd the room
i smudged it
but the whole house had it...
i should have done better...
ahh. the emotional sways.
lust and longing...
i kissed a few people
did a massage in the bar last night
shoulders, chest, arms and hands
then my heart-connection reiki thing
this guy was so open and sweet
cancer, birthday tomorrow
i wish i could connect with everything all the time!
another nice moment
S and D and i were walking around town
the wind was really heavy
and it was a bit cold!
D took us to a friend of his guest house
who had a hot tub!
i flirted with this handsome man from Montana
and he got in the tub with us...
we all just kinda talked and cuddled and soaked
then S and i kinda stumbled over him
getting his number
i felt kinda bad for D
but... he dealt.
and there was this really handsome guy i saw on the street
i thought he was straight..
just had that look to him..
but ... He wasn't!
i courted him for a while to make sure
then he made himself pretty clear
and asked me back to his room for some wine
good sex (four times!)
and good cuddling
which is what i wanted that day anyway...
the only time i played in a bed..
the rest of my sex this week was at Herring Cove
the nude beach...
just walking the dunes...
doing... Community Service...
over 10 different guys in the three days i was there...
i LOVE sex out in nature!
and i got to show off, do yoga back bends (always makes them cum pretty quick)
and even found a beautiful italian man to connect with
swim in the waves
"but i'm a married man"
i made it a late night..
standing outside of Spiritus Pizza
flooded by all these bears
some i knew from Europe... NYC...
came up to me and introduced himself
so as to keep me from feeling invisible
(as i'd expressed at the begining of the week in my LJ)
which i thought was very sweet
and he knew another guy i had spent the evening talking with
who was friends with his lover
a guy i used to talk with on a line a lot
who's from the town i lived in in England when i was 17
we talked and hugged
and i walked home
feeling like i was missing something
but... having to accept
what i got.