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July 12th, 2005

"The Island of Broken Boys" @ 11:27 am

Current Music: What Difference does it make? - Smiths

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Date:July 12th, 2005 05:08 pm (UTC)


that's what everyone has said
they're blaming it on boston
saying "that terrible boston gay mentality has infiltrated here..."

could it have changed all that much from two years ago
when it felt like a faery gathering?
everyone open and loving and playful and friendly?

or is it the Bears from Boston thing?
is it that sad story of men raised to be "masculine" and emotionally crippled
when i arrived on the beach
there was a bear flag
but it wasn't a brown-stripped bear flag
it was the California State Flag

and California was where i learned to avoid Bears
all that fashion and insecurity mixed up to make a bitter and jaded (and quite exclusive) group...

but two years ago..
(i was just telling this story today)
i met a guy on Christopher Street outside the Dugout
big cowboy hat
hot big bear guy
... he was just a total asshole
spewing sadness and insecurity everywhere
making fun of people as they appeared

when i saw him in Ptown
he seemed mild and meek
i asked him he remembered me
-- he was friendly enough
but didn't, entirely
i said "you were a total asshole spewing shit at everything around you... but you seem like a nice guy here..."

and he laughed and smiled and said

"yeah, i'm like that sometimes"

but not in Ptown
where eveyone's friendly.

i dunno
it's more than that
but it's yet another message that i just don't fit into "Bear Culture" any more
so (shrugs) i'm not a bear....

it's still beautiful here.
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Date:July 12th, 2005 07:09 pm (UTC)

Re: Boston?

You know, Providence and Boston have a long animosity. I don't know if I'm channeling that...

Boston has a long and distinguished intellectual history. I'm an admirerer of much of it. Yet, a by-product is a sense of superiority, a sense of "insiders" and "outsiders." I'm an outsider to that culture, so my trips to Boston have never been anything other than unpleasant. About ten years ago, i just stopped going (and I live 45 miles away).

I've dated a few guys from "Boston" (anyone within 30 miles of the city claims to live there) and have found, regardless of economic class, et cetera, that they carry this sense of being better than me (and who am I to say...?).

I'll admit that I've made very few trips to Provincetown in the past decade. My youthful joy about the place is clouded by the Newbury Street aesthetic and class privilege. It's a gentrified town now and no longer the parade of transgression and pleasure that I joyfully breathed in when i was a kid in the 70s.

I'm glad it's still beautiful. There is a cemetary in Truro that I need to visit. It's on the hill (next to one of the three churches) and one of the most sacred spaces I've ever trodden.

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