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July 12th, 2005

"The Island of Broken Boys" @ 11:27 am

Current Music: What Difference does it make? - Smiths

Yeah.
so i'm in p-town

Ptown
ProvienceTown
yeah.

caught a bus from NYC up to Providence, RI
got a ride from a friend of a friend of mine from there...

turns out he's a friend of many of my friends:

we're paralelle boys in the world of bears
yeah
another
brother
alright.

went to the beach
went to the house
cleaned out a room to make a guest room for ourselves
then headed out to the town...

-- it's been a long time since i've been so agressively ignored...
people would stare at me
and when i felt it
turned to look at them
they'd look away

it became a comedy act

i commented on this to my friends
and they said
"oh, it's the Boston Compulsion-- everyone is so fucking insecure... generally, though, the more attitude... the more they ignore you the more they want you"

yeah, played that game before.

a guy i talked with on line before coming out here said this:

"GREETINGS DOMINIC .
THANKS FOR YOUR MESSASGE . WONDERFUL PROFILE . VERY HANDSOME AND SEXY . I AM PREETY SHY WHEN IT COMES TO "CLOSING THE DEAL" SOOOO . IT WOULD BE NICE TO MEET YOU ... AND WE WILL SEE HOW WE FEEL ... I AM IN NEED OF TACTILE ATTENTION . MY TYPE "BODY" IS NOT APPRECIATED HERE ON THE PENINSULA OF BROKEN BOYS ... SO SUPERFICIAL . IT SADDENS ME AT TIMES ... IT MAKES MY DAY WHEN SOMEONE LIKE YOURSELF FINDS MEN LIKE MYSELF ATTRACTIVE . "

it instantly clicked over to "the island of broken boys" in my head
which i didn't remember where that came from
S said "Ruolph the Red Nose Reindeer.... you know, with Burl Ives?"
both of us, syncopated, murmered
"Big Daddy"
 
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From:clarkelane
Date:July 12th, 2005 03:48 pm (UTC)
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You know, it might eb the Boston thing. It's a cold, cold place....
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From:dominicvine
Date:July 12th, 2005 05:08 pm (UTC)

Boston?

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Really
that's what everyone has said
they're blaming it on boston
saying "that terrible boston gay mentality has infiltrated here..."

could it have changed all that much from two years ago
when it felt like a faery gathering?
everyone open and loving and playful and friendly?

or is it the Bears from Boston thing?
is it that sad story of men raised to be "masculine" and emotionally crippled
...
when i arrived on the beach
there was a bear flag
but it wasn't a brown-stripped bear flag
no
it was the California State Flag

and California was where i learned to avoid Bears
all that fashion and insecurity mixed up to make a bitter and jaded (and quite exclusive) group...

but two years ago..
(i was just telling this story today)
i met a guy on Christopher Street outside the Dugout
big cowboy hat
hot big bear guy
... he was just a total asshole
spewing sadness and insecurity everywhere
making fun of people as they appeared

when i saw him in Ptown
he seemed mild and meek
i asked him he remembered me
-- he was friendly enough
but didn't, entirely
i said "you were a total asshole spewing shit at everything around you... but you seem like a nice guy here..."

and he laughed and smiled and said

"yeah, i'm like that sometimes"

but not in Ptown
where eveyone's friendly.

i dunno
Boston?
it's more than that
but it's yet another message that i just don't fit into "Bear Culture" any more
so (shrugs) i'm not a bear....

it's still beautiful here.
[User Picture Icon]
From:clarkelane
Date:July 12th, 2005 07:09 pm (UTC)

Re: Boston?

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You know, Providence and Boston have a long animosity. I don't know if I'm channeling that...

Boston has a long and distinguished intellectual history. I'm an admirerer of much of it. Yet, a by-product is a sense of superiority, a sense of "insiders" and "outsiders." I'm an outsider to that culture, so my trips to Boston have never been anything other than unpleasant. About ten years ago, i just stopped going (and I live 45 miles away).

I've dated a few guys from "Boston" (anyone within 30 miles of the city claims to live there) and have found, regardless of economic class, et cetera, that they carry this sense of being better than me (and who am I to say...?).

I'll admit that I've made very few trips to Provincetown in the past decade. My youthful joy about the place is clouded by the Newbury Street aesthetic and class privilege. It's a gentrified town now and no longer the parade of transgression and pleasure that I joyfully breathed in when i was a kid in the 70s.

I'm glad it's still beautiful. There is a cemetary in Truro that I need to visit. It's on the hill (next to one of the three churches) and one of the most sacred spaces I've ever trodden.
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From:beastbriskett
Date:July 12th, 2005 07:44 pm (UTC)
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The attitude you see isn't endemic to a place.
I've seen it all over, and I bet you have too. It's more a state of mind.
There are so many broken boys.
Scarred by their journey to self-awareness, they unthinkingly shunt their pain onto others,
and pass the legacy forward.
We're all scarred, but guys who become bears are doubly wounded. Rejected by the straight world, shunned by the gotta-be-thin fashionista, they cling to their beardom, once discovered, like the drowning to a thread.
Unfortunately, that pattern of rejection is hard to break. Sad. They do exactly the same thing that was done to them.
And so on...
From:(Anonymous)
Date:July 13th, 2005 01:39 pm (UTC)
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Boston existence is something that can be learned. It really isn't that difficult.I'm a native and continue to learn. It is a warm, caring vibrant city. It has many complications. You are always welcome here by most of us. The few who aren't welcoming are not Bostonians.
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From:mondragon
Date:July 14th, 2005 06:00 pm (UTC)
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Ah, so that was you at the Crown and Anchor talking to George. I came in late to meet up with BF and friends after a long bike ride. I'm sort of shy about introducing myself.

Bears are great if you're a bear. We accept you we accept you one of us one of us!

They probably just assumed that you weren't into them so they ignored you.


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