To: weirwolf@bigfoot .com
Subject: healthy addictions?
Date: Mon, 18 Feb 2002 06:43:54 -0800
so, i am curious
have you ever LIVED in cities?
what is your history on your geography
now that you mention paris
i remember Hans saying something about you having a flat there
so i suppose you must have lived there for a time
you just don't have the view points of someone who hasn't lived in
so i am curious
i actually find the city of amsterdam very pleasing
and this may sound strange
but the people are the same as ever
i would be happier ignoring most of them
so generally i do
watch with a grin, the way of life for so many livers
enjoy the children and the arty kids and the queens and the tourists
for a second or two
glancing over water and sky and buildings
i really like the layout
like the selection of things
the closing hour of all the shops i find slightly annoying, but enjoy
keeping my consumer attitudes down to a low anyway
and the cheap sex industry is, like all, greatly dissatisfying
and i have reaped a few interesting relationships out of a bar or two
fragmenting out through the ones i have found from the internet
in various forms or another
there is a quiet, still
if listened to
known not to be a silence at all
but a static
like a de-tuned radio
or televison, in the old days, before the blue-screen
if the static were dove into like an ocean of filaments
an endless number of directions could be taken
though i cannot help thinking they would all be equally pap
useless like candy, but occupying indeed.
what i have just experienced is an awareness of the stories people give
and of my desire to be creative
and work with words
so i made a new journal
out of my old red jodpuhrs
i made it expressly to write down events
because most of my journals have all just been me musing of my emotions
thoughts.. existential shit talk.. not the actual story, but the notes
so i have heard enough comments from peole telling me to write it all
so i made this new book
so i startd
and have found
if i stop writing
i get horribly tense
like a large burden is on me
i have to get it out
and it's not realy amazing or anything
i've not gone back and read a lot of it yet
but i am just starting
already gone through the first sheaf of my 13...
so i got a place in rotterdam
my own room
here i am
it is a good place to transition to england as i know if it i choose to
totally different than amsterdam and the belgian cities i've been in
and even a different twist on what i saw in cologne
and perhaps it's just because i am staying with a british guy
who has been here 27 years, none the less
i just keep thinking of how this is so similar to places i've been in
if i can make something happen in going to belgium, i am.
and i think going back to stay in Hans's flat would be great
because i can sit
finish off some
or start some
or continue with
the stories i am working there, re-writing them
it's a fucking joke!
with the exception of Hans
the rest of the people i am dealing with are just so obviously
i have five pisces there now!
and a Leo... who i cannot help feeling dramatically tied to already in
strange twists and pulls
but he's a tango singer and
there free classes in april
cities are strange.
but i do find the flow of amsterdam so pleasing
what cities do you like?
i am very tempted to just come there and run around barefoot in that
i insantly convinced myself that early may would be better in ireland
i am , perhaps, addicted to travel
and the idea of living.
should i choose to accept my mission
i will stay in han's house until early april and then head to england
then to ireland
the friend who was going to let me use his cottage will be there
and said he'd like to travel around the island with me
so i will take that option - end of april
then come up to see you
work on some ideas with you
and whatever our particular dynamic creates
france? Morocco? spain?
southern germany and czeck republic with dashes of poland and peppering
seems i keep getting this story twisted...
later in the quiet
in late spring
when things will be warming and so green.
i look forward to it.