all around me is terrifying darkness
and deafening silence
on the defensive
i have my claws out
my teeth are already bloody...
but i'm sure it's just from biting myself
When ever i have Lived anywhere
i fall into deep sadness
the big mistake has always been that i have lived with someone
in that "lover" kinda way
someone to blame for all of my feelings
and project all of my shit onto
i was smarter this time.
when i decided i loved some one last time
and wanted to love them
i chose NOT to live with them...
even though they would have let me.
smarter i am.
not being able to articulate anything
doesn't mean you're dumb, does it?
staying in one place
i cannot run away
from this deep well of sadness
what's so sad, huh?
oh, just everything
the way i love...
the way i tie my shoes...
the way i treat myself
my friend West once told me
(back in '99)
that if i stopped running long enough
sat by a river
and drowned in my saddness
i'd realize it wasn't an endless black pit
but a little puddle
it sure is scary from here
i've been here just two months now
and a few days.
i turn 27 on wednesday
saturn return starts july 17th
here i am!
i'm not taking it out on anyone
even though it is my habit
i don't believe it
so i'm keeping my shit to myself..
you're checking your friend's list at four a.m.
and drift through this drivel...