Leo took me over to some parishioners' house last night
both of them are kindergarden teachers...
is twenty one
and having trouble
he thinks the whole world
especially this country
is totally going to shit
and can't see the point in doing Anything.
how he feels.
Leo had hoped i could talk with him
set a good example
give suggestions... advice maybe..
while talking with his parents
i recommended LiveJournal
: he likes writing but doesn't feel like it has a point...
while waiting for them to come in and sit down
i saw a book sitting in a basket:
"The Mysticism of Sound and Music"
by HAZRAT INAYAT KHAN
i picked it up and started leafing through it...
came to a random paragraph and started reading...
the gist was something about Pain
he was saying how pain is necessary because it lets us appreciate joy
which is not a new concept to me
in the context of the evening
it reminded me of all the psychologist (or -chiatrists) my parents took me to when i was a teenager
who wanted to put me on drugs
for sever depression, or manic depression
and i always refused:
i didn't want to give up my deep lows
because i didn't want to give up my soaring heights
and i knew they were tied
this thought then spiraled back to a conversation i had with someone recently about "topping"
and how, often, "Tops" never like to bottom
they are afraid to bottom
they don't like it
it hurts too much, etc, etc...
and how i always hate that part of the conversation
would rather not go there
because the image of the Top is attractive in its virility
but kinda lame in its inability to accept pain
people who have never bottomed
i try and explain to them
"Yes, it DOES hurt.. but so does anything in life... it's what's behind the hurt that makes it attractive...
no bottom will say it doesn't hurt at all... only if they just want you to fuck them and don't want to talk about it..
but there is always some pain
those who know the pain, though
greet it like an old friend
take it by the hand
and dive into it
down that tunnel
the cause of the pain is a cause of great joy
the feeling of pain is the same as joy"
as H.I.Kahn said... something like:
"comedy is for children... Tragedy is for the grown-up... the deepest of pain is the greatest of joy and can only be appreciated by the seasoned tongue"
this, of course
but into current consciousness
makes me want to say to my lover, in many arenas
"don't worry about hurting me... you will be teaching me, you will be bringing me great joy... you will be taking me somewhere i've only heard about before and long to experience with my flesh"
--- i only want to make you happy
== then hit me
or not so dramatic and blunt
but just the waves of life
a friend recently said to me
"in all the time i know you
you've been kinda Sick & Tired"
--- and you know
i think i have been
and probably will be my whole life
so be it
i also surf on waves of bliss
and amazing joys
such lush tastes and amazing experiences
i wouldn't give up either
and only crave more of the whole thing
GO! TEAM, GO!