his attempts to make himself happy (ego-wise, no differentation needed)
involve making rash things happen:
"i'm going to drive across america and pick you up and bring you back to NYC"
my moon is in aries
the shift to tending to my own emotions
would be from
letting other's make oppurtunities for me
and me willingly bringing my oppurunities into being.
i am just a kid of 26
i am accustomed to living the life of "already success"
because i've had the support and assets of men in their 50's...
not rich (none of the men i've loved are monetarily rich... just in Life)
but with a beautiful house
or wonderful job
great apartment in a beautiful area of town
generally (or, how i understand it)
a kid starting out on his own
gets the sub-standard
struggles from the ground up into a place of success
i have done nothing on my own merritts
(but, has anyone?)
my credit rating is Zero
i'm working on bringing myself up to my own level of success
but i'm spoiled by living in such luxury
humble myself to my own status...
compared with those living on the laurels of their youth
coasting into the crash-landing of middle-age or old-age
stepping off the wings of the father...
mentorship is a beautiful way for a boy (straight or gay) to learn lessons of life...
but to not move on from that is folley..
i wrote this in a comment to a friend:
i'm dissatisfied with how i'm dealing with what i'm being given
not that it's not wonderful and amazing
but because it's not what i WANT
i should be resting secure in just accepting that it must be what i need
coz it's coming from every direction..
but one of the main reasons i'm dissatisfied with what i'm being offered
it is what i ALREADY HAVE
just with a different person
in a different place
but it'll be the same story:
i want a different story
... or at least learn how to grow in this story
(that's the problem, i want to grow and i feel like i've outgrown this pot)