i went to harbin hot springs two days ago
it was SO good
but if only i'd gone earlier..
if only i'd gone the day i intended to go!
some friends of mine were there!
well, one guy i knew
and his friends.
i parked the jeep and walked up the steps
and when i got to the first landing
the smoking deck
there he was
his friar-tuck face, beaming eyes and beautiful beard
briar clamped between his teeth
curls of smoke around his shiney head
HUGS and sharing the pipe and conversation
he'd spent the night!
he was only there an hour longer
i stayed and enjoyed him
and his lover
we all played together in the water
massaging and cuddling
then his lover left
and he and i swam in eachother a bit
then i took care of myself
beauty all around
the night fall
checked my messages
and my farmer wasn't coming down
but another guy from CL had called
and he lived just south of there
"you might not like me: i'm a teddy-bear of a guy"
hmmm, just my luck
i give him a call
and head on down to see him
long thick currly red furr
while we're having sex
he says "rape Me"
' that's not what i do, i'm loving you '
gotta hold our hands sometimes..
it was an alright night
there was some trouble
his undenying reality of medicine and "getting old" which i find tiring
but he was a sweet man
and nice to cuddle
but i was tired
and a 70 year old had driven up from the city
as if he hadn't even read my ad
not my type at all
but he drove so far
(though he had a meeting just an hour away in calistoga, so it was JUST for me, but an hour out of the way for me)
we tussled around
he was hungry
it was ok
i sat up
and pulled my back out
the clouds were rolling in
i felt terrible
what's goin on?
and two hours later
another guy came
who i'd talked with online for a year
interesting fellow who's travelled the world all his life
hasn't "had a straight job for over 25 years"
in his early 40's
but he's like a dead-head drainbow
and the entire time he's there he's talking non-stop
and all of his friends
and the guy he takes care of
and everyone he knows
and everywhere he's been
and it has nothing to do with me
and i feel like i'm fighting him to speak
and he's really not interested in what i have to say anyway
and if i travel my whole life will i have so much to say
blindly unaware of the real people around me?
but i don't think i'll ever take that many drugs...
i sent him home forcefully
and decided not to head down to the city like Guy asked me to
i could help him with the Flowers for Valentine's day
it doesn't feel important
and it feels off track
and i don't know where i'm going
or what to do
so i decide to just sit and wait
and fight my urges for sugar cravings
and try not to be too swept up by the phantoms