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February 3rd, 2005

waking up before i go to sleep @ 06:25 am

make things perfectly clear

heading out of town
going to rest

spent the night jittering to pieces
no drugs
just the computer

the images i'm re-arranging
the words i'm sending around
bouncing my intentions off the rocky-face of the world

i'm here

blathering at strangers
mouthing off in friend's houses
making all sorts of statements
that just sound silly for people who are schooled

i'm a great simpleton
myself a farmer
often reminded
a boy from indiana

really blue collar
my dad doesn't know how to use words properly

i don't know how to use thoughts, some times

but lack of skill has never stopped me

it's where i am today.

Today i've decided to head down to the city sooner
to start learning about the flower business
to see where it takes me
to see if i can actually make it work
there are some doubts
the world shifts

common occurances today

i'm not saying a lot right now because i'm resting
the idea is to be settled in the city by next month
i'm doing my best to lay foundations..


i left SF difficultly:
went to THE LAB to see an art opening: "Harry Bodies"
there were a few BUTT connexions... that's how i found out about it anyway
and the first guy who talked to me in there said "i saw you in BUTT"
it became fun
felt like we were all friends
old friends/new friends
it felt like highschool
silly, fun
somehow bigger than it was
smaller than it was
it was big
it was real
it was fun
some of the art made me feel like i was 13
fetishizing low-rez porn

and there were some body-landscape-photos
which i've dreamed of for years
and often try and photograph
these hot men i adore

macro photos of their furry curves

well done!

met up with a guy i'd not seen since 99!
we went to the mission for a burrito
while we were eating
the car got towed

[i'd said, " i'll get the burritos, you wait in the car " but he came in anyway, forgot to say "to go" they served us on a plate: still we were there less than a half hour]

keeping it cool

got my stuff from UGH
and on trying to leave
the engine warning light came on and he got paranoid
then told me he hadn't changed his oil for over 7000 miles and generally only changed it every 15000
which sounds insane to me
i made him go to a gas station
check the tires and the oil
(the dipstick had cooked gunk on it: first time i ever saw that)

we got out of town
we got to the hermitage at about 2am
we spent the next 24 hours in bed
watched "Orgasmo"
had conversations about
the azurite press
but true
in there
but really
i want everything to be simpler
i like to keep things to mainly one planet
i mean
that's complicated enough, isn't it?
perhaps i'm just a dullard...

i showed him this site
about sacred geometry and implosion, etc...
that i first learned about when living at Heartwood
(you can tell i'm having fun with html today, eh?)
i attended a lecture he gave when he came there
showed how people in love sych their hert frequencies and "imbed" in eachother
fractal: return to one

and watched "the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" again
the first time i watched it with someone who could talk with me about it

round in circles and circles again til we learn how to love

he left and i read and rested

the next day
got on the computer
which yielded a massage client/playmate
a farmer
could be so nice...

and a client the next day! (that would be this morning... or yesterday morning- i've not slept yet)

this morning i woke groggily to my client calling to tell me he was 5 minutes away

but the massage went very well
and i was too lazy then to go to Harbin Hot Springs
which is only 20 miles away
but takes nearly an hour to get to...
and i want to lay naked in the sun
(tucson spoiled me as it always does)

so i'll go tomorrow...
when i wake up

but first i need to sleep.
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Date:February 3rd, 2005 07:48 pm (UTC)

your farmer

I'm glad you enjoyed your farmer, he enjoyed you, very much. Its time to do it again. soon!!!!
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Date:February 11th, 2005 04:57 am (UTC)
Hey! That's art, not porn! But feel free to fetishize it. -- Chris.

Great to meet you at the opening. Hope to see you soon.
[User Picture Icon]
Date:February 11th, 2005 06:31 am (UTC)
well, i called it Art
i just said i felt like i was 13: fetishizing low-rez porn
as we talked about

there was this simple image viewer i had
back in the day
it wasn't even a windows 3.1 program
it was DOS
and with it
i could rotate the color palet of the image

i had this image of this furry guy fucking some guy
all you saw was his belly (the guy on his back)
and the other guy over him, his face looked calm
muscular arms
very furry body
(looked like the guy i had seduced when i was 14... but with a beard)
and the Abstraction caused by rotating the color palet
(did you ever do this? do you know what i'm talking about?)
is what made the image really sexy
that abstraction is what made me shoot load after load of my young teen-age dreams
and your Art had the same quality

your art was conceptual art
but as decorative art
i can imagine laying in bed (especially if i were a teen ager again)
with it hanging on the wall
as if i myself had done it
and in fact
did do it, week after week
compiling emails and using some program to print them like that (or just ASCII art)
and using up stacks of dot-matrix paper

laying in bed
and having him as my dream/literary lover

The Whole Exhibit was so much fun
because it was taking that sexual fetish and making it Fine Art
which isn't Sexual
(even like that naked girl who showed up! what perfect punctuation!)
but the sexuality was so intrinsic
it was like we were all walking around in a masturbation fantasy
that had become a cocktail party

i loved it


thank you!

see you around

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