dominicvineoftheowls (dominicvine) wrote,

what kind of sad?

told you are dying
dying for a year now
(how tedious!)
mourning your own life
suffering pain
and the ebbing of your physical strength
being a sensualist
and no longer being able to drink alcohol, eat meat, have sex
alone on a hill
and not being touched
or even holding court!
(I do not mean to dramatize, but set the scene)

in the process of dying
for a year
writing your memoirs
and thinking
as you've often though
of the first significant love relationship you ever had
writing it out
in humor and sorrow

in this age of computers
thinking to look him up
to see how he's doing...
he didn't die in the AIDS years, this you know
but there's his obituary
from 2007

even dying
for a year
outliving the last of the friends you can dredge up from your memory
from the early days...
(when things were...)

that kind of sad.

I'm glad I answered the phone when he called.


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