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Vertical Prose


January 24th, 2005

good thing to dream of in Las Vegas @ 10:44 am

hitting dogs with shovels
eyes under long black fur
on either side of the tail
green

stands up, anthropomorphized human/dog
"but do you still have your...?"
feels for balls
he says yes
but i don't feel them

still
looking for a place to play upstairs
waiting for him to follow me
to find out





At my parent's house in Indiana
but huge, blown out beyond proportions

my sister was having a party
but more like a gathering
like a women's music festival
but more like an elaborate ritual to bring women more power

the house is taken over
the rooms are all bigger than i remember them
women everywhere
a few of them
scornful that i'm a man
brushing past me

i'm sifting through my father's papers

there's a pack of dogs swirling around the house
the two sharpei's i've been traveling with are in the pack too
but they're bigger
folds are almost irridecent

something leads me to open the back door...
i think to let the women out
to walk the back field
(about a 100 times bigger)
to the stage
i hear the proceedings begin
and the dogs have invaded the house
i want to go to sleep
or
leave for a family vacation?
can't have the dogs in the house
where did this schism begin?

they come in and out
did we pen some up in the barn-yard?
there are so many of them

a big black one is giving me trouble
i have a large flat shovel that i'm swatting the dogs with to get them out of the house
(can't leave with them running around in there)
i get most of them out
but the big black one is acting funny
taking my beatings
his butt to me
and glancing back at me in the strangest of ways
meanwhile
i notice that he has eyes on either side of his tail
green eyes
tucked underneath the dark furr...

"99% of dogs don't have those... but this one does"

so what is he watching?
i realize he wants something
i put down the shovel
afraid he might attack and bite me
but he stands up
and suddenly he looks like a 6'6" human bear-type guy
big belly, big legs and arms,
still thick black furr all over him like a dog
white frosting under the chin and down the belly

there is a minimal exchange of words
but it's clear to me he wants to fuck me

but he's a dog, right?
i try to ask him (i'm sure it's a delicate subject)
if he's been ... neutered
instead, try to ask him if he still has his balls...
without actually saying that
but the words are all jammed in my mouth
and i kinda stammer them out

he assures me he does
and i reach down between his legs to feel for them
i don't Feel them...
but he winks at me
and asks if i have a place safe from the Women..?

i tell him there must be somewhere upstairs...
but all the rooms i know have been taken over by this party
so we go to the child-hood playroom
the floor is scattered with things
where'd he go?
i'm looking for a mattress
trying to kick things out of the way to make a soft enough place to lie down

how will this work?
what affect will it have on me?
such a strange beast
is he coming?

--- a cell phone (not mine) rings in the room and snaps me back here:
to Las Vegas.



What's been happening in the reality of the desert here?

we left Palm Springs and drove only as far as the Yucca Valley
the north entrance to Joshua Tree national park, for those who might know it
stayed at a Motel 6

Frank brought a friend of his with him
who JUST got out of the hospital
he was a big bear
recently lost over 150#s from some gastro-intestinal nightmare

he lives with his mother and has worked in "hospitality" his whole life
(even though he did go to college)
something about serving drinks in a corporate bar?

he's 37 now...
hates astrology
says he's a Materialist

i couldn't help myself
i said
' yeah, i understand that... but i just think that's SO boring... so limited '

he's a scorpio/sag cusp
and i'd bet that he has a gemini rising

that insecurity leads to constant talking thing
without saying anything
you know
talking in a rythm that means you have to pay attention to him
but only using adjectives like "interesting" and "nice"
no detail
and then he'll smile and tilt his head back slightly so you can see his teeth
i feel like i should then say something like
' gee, you're smart '
or
' o wow, that's interesting '
but i'm tired
and really not interested in playing the game

he's bitchy about everything
"oh, we're staying in THIS dump again"
and hates all the music i play
he's too punk for that
spends his day at the controls channel surfing the XM

drove me crazy
so i pulled out my mp3-player and FM transmitter and crossed his station and interrupted him
giggling in the back seat


we stopped by a used book store in 29 Palms
where i found lots of old Delany books i didn't have
in fact
a copy of his first book "The Jewels of Aptor"
hmmm
one of the characters said to another
" you know, when your bowels give out for a few days and your tongue gets covered with that white stuff..."
and i realized that i was getting some thrush in my mouth...

all my sugar-craving has been feeding candita!
which i must have manifested in SF with that cold lasagna surrounded by all the sugar i was eating
:
SICK!

i feel terrible
butt itchy and throat sore

so
as of last night
making that realization
i cut out the sugar
(even though i'd just bought some fresh dates from the China Ranch Date Farm)
and have been drinking Pau D'arco and sage tea...
with my bombillia
and a 7-11 cup
i go around Las Vegas like a pro
filling up at the coffee machine
hmmm
hot water from
where?
colorado?

the desert...

Las Vegas...
i've not been here since i was 19
and then
on three microdots of acid
after driving all day
to see Morrissey at the Hard Rock Cafe back in 97
yeah!

one of the most terrifying and amazing trips i've ever had...
maybe i'll write about it on the way home, eh?

i'm just waking up now
but i'm pretty sure i won't be able to post this til i'm back in LA...

anyway
i don't think i'll be back in LV anytime soon
it's just not my style
and even though it's not for me
i certainly did appreciate it
driving down the strip last night:
imagine
all of this money
BILLIONs of dollars
gone into creating completely empty entertainment

just to please people
a gigantic sugary pacifier
or... exciter...



yesterday
we were at the hot springs
that's why i'm here
i came out here with Frank to pick up some bags he'd left here
and he said i could come along and enjoy the hot springs on the way...

they were kinda sad
cinder-block building
painted like a municipal pool
what's the deal with that blue and white motif?

it was taken over by the state just a few months ago
and now there are gaurds
though EVERY MAN IN THERE was there for sex
i thought SOME of them were straight...
but they all wanted cock
... even if their wives were across the way in the women's bath house...

there was no sex in there, though
just diddling
looking
longing glances
and some cuddling

not like Harbin though

at harbin
cuddling is totally cool
orgasm is not.

OK

so this one guy i found
sweet man
longish hair
artist desert man
grew up in Utah and Orange County
he took me to the wild spring
a long walk
but not too long
to a swamp
muddy bottom
three feet of water
two feet of mud
hot water on the surface
cooling down
tuelly grass in every direction
under the moon light
the stars
the singing frogs

romantic? yeah
amazing
beautiful
what i live for
nature
loving and nourishing
we had long conversation
felt like old friends
cuddled
held
played

walked home with our pants off
feet caked in mud
40degree weather?
open stary sky
chill
barefoot
ha!

then the next day was the date farm
i climbed a mountain just to do it
maybe i'll post some pictures
pretty...
up the mud hill
speckled with gympsum

everything out of time
that's alright
time to get on with the day


here i am
 
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