i tydied the house
made the bed
built a fire
and waited.
drove down the hill
and waited
came back
and was sad
felt terrible
putting my energy somewhere
and having it fall flat
i said to myself
" i never want to do that to anyone again, i hate the way this feels "
today
a guy i had talked with on line for most of this year
called and woke me up
asked if he could come over
(2 hours drive)
so i said "yeah"
and got up
started doing yoga
then checked my email...
on line two hours
listening to the new mix i made for a friend
i didn't hear when the guy arrived
knocked on the door
rang the bell
and called.
didn't even hear.
he left
i didn't get him on the phone til an hour later
he was so sad
but didn't express it
and i had done it
but imagine that omen
what a terrible way to start your new year
driving four hours in the foggy rainy snow
cold
for nothing
to be missed.
horrible
i can't trust myself!
to cause such damage
i prayed
never to cause such damage again
humanity
what can we do?
