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July 5th, 2010

32? @ 11:12 pm




32
?

this time of meditation on myself
my actions
my thoughts and feelings

oh, have I?
I haven't even paid attention
I should look at it all now

Now
before that
I feel sick of myself
like my ego is useless

of course it's not
it is
in fact
less sick
in a wave
cycle
of entropy
more sick leading to death
later

now
just life

not depression
but
I want to not write about I
ok
but don't discount yourself
keep up the love

what does it feel like?

it feels good to feel
there is some pain and awkwardness
but mostly power and beauty
that's what it feels like

not bad
I was going to say
I don't like the choices I make
thus I gate myself
thus desire to negate myself
annihilate myself

but it's not the choices I make
it's my actions
yes
it's the choices I make
lost
out of control
where is this?

center
if I
could choose to come to center
with every breath
could I be at all?

my heart hurts here

.iP

 
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