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Vertical Prose


June 16th, 2010

32.14 @ 12:32 am




one of my regular clients came over today
he brought me birthday presents
and is taking me to the ballet tomorrow:
I've never seen a classical ballet before

I'd not seen him for many weeks
and it was the first time I've tried to give a massage in two weeks
(it was supposed to be a guided yoga session, which I'd acceeded to: a
massage I would not have)
I touched him to begin the session
and my body became fully present for healing

my heart was filled with anger
despiration
hopelessness
I was crying for love
wanting someone to touch me
make me feel better
my whole body ached
and I was exhausted

oh! nothing to give, sorry
I told him
but gave him ten minutes of polarity hold, cranial-sacral, and some
neck work
but I really couldn't
I lay down
and coughed

we looked through a porn mag he brought me
bad pickup lines

I just wanted to write an angry email
I wanted to be alone

he showed me a few videos on YouTube of the last ballet he saw
some specific star that was excellent at spinning
I saw them moving their bodies:
I want to move my body like that...

beautiful
elegant and graceful
I've been seeing a good deal of modern dance lately
mostly on accident
though I love watching them move their body like that
the contrast against this classical made them seem rough, violent and
dramatic

I'm sure it's all drama
all drag...

Ian rode his bike up
got to my place only moments before my client
so after
I met him up at dykeman
ate a burger
sweet potato fries
(I've been eating mostly vegan, one meal a day for the last two weeks)

we headed to the beach
rode first to the northern tip

nice

then to my favourite rock
goose shit covered
mulberries
I smoked some pot
which I had also been neglecting to do
I coughed steadily for ten minutes
standing up to di a forward bend
I thought would clear my lungs
instead I vomited on the rock

from hanging with Dani last week I got the feeling to be free with my
vomit
no holding back
no shock
Ian was worried though
and horny
so we went out perusing
and I found my Cuban/Dominican couple I enjoy
the later speaks no English
the former is the perfect body for me
he said (after a half hour of intense fellatio) " where have you been?
you haven't been coming home. have you been going out all over the
city?"
something in that touched me
perhaps I'd fall in love with anything right now
he worked my nips real hard
we all got where we were going
and I went back to lay with Ian
Louis walked by
I called him down
he said I almost pronounce his name right
I enjoy his smile
but we were cooked
and headed south

I wasn't prepared to be out long
but, indeed, longed for activity
so agreed to ride down the bike path with Ian
I took this picture while on the bike
(more pics in my flickr)

we walked the train tracks Stand By Me style
rode down
stopping when I was coughing too much
("I need an oil change")
stopping to do a quick lesson on shifting gears
stopping at Fairway for refreshments
stopping to get a call from a psychic counsellor I had been gifted a
reading from
but forgot my appointment
she assured me I was on the brink of a major spiritual shift
and had great tasks in this life

I know I know
why the fuck can't I do them?
I feel I'm treading water lost in the middle of the ocean
I just want to do my work
why can't I?

we rescheduled
and continued down
through the traffic fumes
to dinner in Chelsea
where I stank like musky dog
and we were all but ignored by the Chelsea waitstaff
...s'ok
I took my bike on the train home

returned a call
got a free ticket to see HAIR on broadway Thursday night
well happy birthday

I took a shower
washed my hair
took a salt bath
did some yoga in the brine
now in bed
readying for sleep
envisioning myself healthy tomorrow
and full of love again

.iP

 
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