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March 9th, 2010

I couldn't help myself today @ 01:23 am

I couldn't help today
I wanted to hear some song, no
transfer videos to my iPhone
so turned on my computer
but instantly turned off the wifi so I could get stuff around the house:
the Internet is infinitely temptingfor me
and endless: I always fall down that slippery slope
but listened to Oracular Spectaular and the Tine to Pretend EP while doing the dishes and watering plants
before I turned it on to watch the Kids video on YouTube
then I was driving myself crazy obsessing over bellies and furry chests and thighs: I lost it twice before I got up to do sone laundry and shopping around town
never made the eggs I had intended to

but still
a useful Monday for domestique basics
when will I ever edit any of the growing list of pictures?

Yoga was pretty amazing tonight
we had three others there
and I felt surisingly strong and clear
we went about two hours
including some partner stuff I learned from the HNY experience a few weeks back, the standing cycle and the Tibetan rites stuff... it was very energizing.
then a great meal of Veal Stew
amazing spicy asparagus
and conversation
smoke
conversation and wine
then retiring to the rug for a bit of Salvia
two virgin experiences
and Again I forgot the propensity it has for opening up the Abyss
and I wondered if it can be metered better:
a slight smoke just shines the light from the abyss on life... gives everything more depth
perhaps a medium dose would open the door without it opening all the way through to the black-hole punchured through reality
but just let different layers be reached

I'm extreme
and often deal only with life and death
but I know there are other realms that are real and active:
I do desire to know them

can salvia help me with that?


it was 23:00 after the second journeier was back on solid ground
and our hosts were tired
so we all took off
I started writing
but became a bit obsessed with a large man sitting across from me
(I'll post a picture on flickr)
the long nails on his hands
the way he worked his fingers
large and clumbsy
nervously
his face
staring into his iPhone
his large thighs filling his jeans
like sausage

nom nom nom

and I got off again
at w4th
to take Tony's keys back to him fro
house sitting at his place last week

though we had gone to Spa Castle yesterday
I forgot to give him his keys back then
he'd just had fours hours of sex when I arrived!
he was also very energetic
what IS the moon doing tonight?

Spring is Here!
I wore a spring jacket tonight
it's so lovely
though I do miss the winter
I love scarves and big coats
... but I am so looking forward to laying naked in the sun...

yesterday at the spa
I saw a guy i'd seen there before
a big Dominican
with the perfect face
dark skin
paler fingernails punctuating his big fingers
we have a good connection
but I watched him when I first arrived
he made it clear he was with an X who was very jealous and just didn't want to go there: so I gave him plenty of space.., and just looked and thought of What did I find so attractive in him
there were other big guys there I found attractive. big Russian, Big Italian... I conceptualized it in a new way
seeing them as beasts
and my attraction being a socially acceptable form of beastiality:
these men I always think of as entirely different creatures than I
that's how I'm Hetero
enjoying the Other Species
interspecies mating
mmmmm
mmmm
mmmmmanyway
what else to relate?
I'll try and sleep well when I get home
a friend was at the Addams Family
we aren't friends as much as former doppelgängers (since he cut his long hair off there is no resemblance)
it was the first time we really hung out, the two of us
he had to eat, I'd eaten already
so while he was eating
I was talking with some great kids at the bar
here's the trouble
I had the feeling we were all the same age
this is new for me
I used to call all my friends "kids" when I was in my 20's
I still think they're kids
but I'm less so
one was born in '86!
we were talking about something... being in New York and California
and I said " yeah, fuck Kansas: they don't need it!"
they were all from Kansas
Great Job!
Lawrence
grew up with Burroughs
the man about town
Dandy arrived and knew one of the older fellows
the place was hopping
we had the window
Kevin arrived and we talked the show
it was such an exciting feeling
I was inspired
but did I write anything on the way home?
just that little ditty about Love
because the Musical made me feel insecure about it
taking something so lightly I find so terribly heavy...

ah, my great off-set

nearly home now
kitchari tomorrow, I think
gotta detox this terrible feeling I've had all week
no sugar for a few days!

mwa mwa mwa



.iP
 
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