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January 29th, 2004

"if you are in god's channel" @ 09:37 pm

So, Mother got her surgery
it was an exceptionally long one
as far as i can tell
over half an hour
the energy was buzzing when i arrived
( i was writing while it was happening )
the lines still hadn't started moving...

that is, there is a 1st time, 2nd time and a Come back later line (which i was in)

but before all of those
we do the surgeries...

six people from our group got surgeries...

i was sitting eating a coconut with Martin
when Josie came running out to find me
"they're doing the 2:00 line first, come on!"
--- they usually do them last... i went to check, it looked like they were doing them last
but obviously the Entity wanted me to have some time in my treatment
(egoist that i am)

the "come back and see me later" line is a seperate line that is usually refered to as the 8o'clock or 2o'clock line
depending on what time it is you have to come back to see him
becuase João doesn't do the work, he just "incorporates" entities
so
when i went to see him
the Entity in him was very grandfatherly..
sweet, kind, held out his hand for me hold
told me to come back and see him later
but i had to sit in the current first

i was overwhelmed
i have only felt things like this on acid...
i got to be in god-head
that is, understand everything, do anything...
and i did.

however, i am NOT an omnipotent being
so it was really hard for me to focus on eternity all in one go

i like to broaden my perspective like that..
once i got myself open
i cleared myself out
and realized how fucked up i had been for a while
as i said
and i won't try to tell the whole story
but i want to tell this one:
i programed every plant on the planet to tune anyone that consumed them into this energy
(grin)

so back to the (in the story) present:
Josie and i start moving through line, i bring my self down out of the high i was in
ground myself
get myself focused (as focused as i could be)
this time
the Entity incorporated in João was very business-like
had stuff he had to do
was rushing people through
Josie asked me if i had anything specific to say
and i scanned myself quickly...

there is either too much to ask for
or nothing at all
so i just said "no"
and we stood in front of him
he barely looked at me
just scribbled my prescription on paper and sent me to sit in the 3rd current room again
(he doesn't often do this)

this time it was different

it explained to me some more things
and i remembered the part in "Donnie Darko"
when Donnie is talking to his Physics teacher
trying to figure out time travel
and being everywhere at once
the teacher is baiting him
and donnie says "so you could, theoretically, foresee the future if you are in God's channel"

in
god's
channel

i started laughing my ass off
kinda like he does in the movie
at the end

i laughed for a half hour

then i started working to complete some of the stuff i wanted ...
i mean
eventhough i was operating out of time
and with unlimited energy and power
i had to FOCUS to get anything done
and.. well, really
that IS my weak point...

i can't even explain it...

but when it over (more laughing later)
i got up and ...
went back to the Pousada to check on Mum...
she was fine, as far as she could tell..
we had dinner
and then retired to the room
i was so excited
but once i lay down again
i felt the work being done on me
and how tired i was...

i was still reading "One Hundred Years of Solitude" and decided to read out loud to Mother...
the chapter was all about the war
but ended with the city being covered by the sky raining down small yellow flowers..
mom loved it...
and i let her rest
switched to Josie's book
and felt things moving around the room working on mom
so flipped my back to her to give them privacy
and read for a while
til i felt them telling me to go to sleep

i shut off the light
and lay on my back
and for the first time in at least 3 years
i slept on my back without having to turn over...

but i woke startlingly at 5am from a dream of being with my friend Martin in Switzerland.

i met Martin the same place i met Chad
the Italian Rainbow gathering
he instantly reminded me of Louis
he's thin
but otherwise almost identical
if you can imagine that...
he was wearing a Jack-Kerouac-Flat-Cap
and just full of life and adventure

we became instant friends
and Eli and i stayed at his house in Bern when Eli visited...

but in the dream
i don't remember where we were
i or what we were doing...

but i woke with a shocked

i looked at the clock
and thought
>>>ugh, i don't want to be awake now<<
and then heard the rumi poem
" the breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you
don't go back to sleep
you must ask for what you really want
don't go back to sleep
there are people walking back and forth over the threshold
where the two worlds touch
the door is wide and open
don't go back to sleep "

but i rolled over again
then again
then again
on my back again
i felt someone grab my foot
and looked up again

OK OK OK
i sat up and started brushing my hair
and then got into the shower
and, for the first time, got hot water
and washed my hair for 20 minutes

PHEW

good way to start the day

mom was all groggy, no chance of her going to sit in the current
but i showed her the sunrise
and then ran off to the Casa
danced around a bit
did some yoga
and claimed a seat in the first current room before there were hardly anyone else in there

but in the next 20 minutes
the place got packed

they have been having to lock it lately
because of create-comfort-upgrades
and the fact that there are just more and more people comming here
and they need to keep extra seats in case the Entity prescribes someone to go sit in there..

so i started my meditation already
and i hear the portugese facilitator say
"there is a , ummm, mother and child... and an older woman... and they need a place to sit... would someone give up their seat?"
i opened my eyes an no one moved.

no one moved.

when i was in school
it pissed me off when the teacher would ask a question and the class froze
so i would raise my hand after the count of 5 if no one else had
even if i had no idea
it was better to make a guess than sit in stupid silence

this time i was quicker than 5

i jumped up and offered my seat to the old woman

nobody moved

the mother and child sat on the floor in the corner..

so i am on the floor
my shirt is wet because i had washed it last night and the humidity just keeps things from drying here...

i the floor is ceramic tile
and after a while
i was just too cold
damp
and the lower energies
were making me sick

so i got up and left the room
and then was furious with rage
... at so many things..

make a longer story short
because so many things have just been happening here in the i-cafe i am writing in
and they are closing
and i need to get out of here

...
i will tell you latter
don't want to make these ladies wait...

and i have to formulate what i want to ask João tomorrow
because... i think i know now.

blessings

(you are all in my prayers)

...d
 
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