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December 10th, 2004

about a boy @ 08:11 pm

Ok ok ok
now wait a second

i don't want any of you to think that i'm an advocate of coupling up
that's not what i was intending...

but we've all got to start somewhere, eh?

being that my fetish is Connection
and i'm a bit of a slut
my logical end is having a family of people i have sex with
well, make love with
it'd be really cool if there were 12 of us or something
not all of us would relate to eachother the same way
but having a few in there
you know
i've heard about this
i know it can work
i dream it can work, so it must.

i just watched a film called "About a Boy"
i only rented it because "Badly Drawn Boy" did the soundtrack
and i like his work...
and the novel was written by Nick Hornby, right?
anyway
it was kinda a crap romanic-comedy

good music anyway
and every story is some fragment of the truth, right?

great bits in it:

there's this 12 year old boy who's mother tries to Off herself one day
he comes to the realization
that he can't leave her alone
coz she might do it again
and then he'd be left alone:
there's always got to be someone watching
or someone for a back-up

film ends (happy) with a big mis-matched family over for christmas
of single-parents and punk kid and hippy telephone operator
Great, huh?

but the whole idea of it is a good message
especially how the story weaves in this cocky british guy explaining up and down how he needs no one
he's got his life filled up with meaningless activities

it's fun to see him get caught in a trap he's created
and is forced to experience his feelings

so the other bit that hit me was how he realizes that he's Nothing
and where that was always nice before
as soon as he met some he actually LIKES
finds her interesting... she spins his heart and leaves him feeling stupid and "in-love"
he realizes he has nothing to draw her into his life
coz he doesn't have a life
just watching TV and buying things

i, momentarily, was carried on that wave
but came off it pretty quick
realizing i DID have a life and interesting things in it

but even writing this right now
derails me a bit:

i had some anonymous guy comment on one of my postings while i was in NYC this October
and he made that very accusation: that i had no life

i
of course
got tipped off into my insecurities about it
i'd have to admit that he was pretty exacting about laying out my weaknesses
and shadowing all of my acheivments

and it only took a day or two to pass

which gets back to something in my heart
where i know it is a strong drive not only for me to have a life to Impress and Attract interesting people into my life
but to also then be able to share these things with them

i assume it's the same kinda drive my dad has to obtain things that look really materially impressive
big house, expensive car, etc...
just our different values

and this movie is kinda about that
a character making a shift from superficial material possesions to actually having a life based on human interraction and emotional gratification

all of this making a slight paper-cut on my finger when i think about my own difficulties with relationships

' i love you, keep your distance.. but hang around... i want a hug.. but not for too long . . . '

hmmm
tired of being emotionally retarded
(is this where this was going? i guess so)
[yeah for journaling]

but
[sigh]
here i am on planet earth in the body of Dominic
and workin on it
(however feebly i am...)

i need to get a good script writer in here that will cast a scene like that for me, eh?

[actor or writer, boy, which one ya wanna be?]

-[can't we colaborate?]-
 
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