love as a sexual fetish

i was interrupted in the middle of writing the piece on German Farmers

a man called who wants to meet me

apparently i have an excellent phone voice
lately i've had people who want to meet me
massage clients or play partners
calling again and again
just to hear my voice

my visitor earlier this week said he would get hard and swoon every time he heard me on the phone... especially when i was talking to my mother

so this guy calls me again
just talk

i was in the middle of writing
and feeling very explanitory
i feel into explaining
yet again
my experience with Europe
and i got into such great detail!!
:
'
gay culture will cease to exist when it is no longer necessary
like all sub-cultures
they form sharp and strong
like the head of an arrow
to pierce the armour
but then
why are they still needed?

they are only clung to by those who are fragmented
and can not move on to being whole people

Those in europe...
most queers aren't queer
they're normal people
just doing whatever it is that people do
... most often taking care of aesthetics and culture
as faggots have always done
but no longer making much of an issue about it...

but those in the saunas and bars
they will be there every night
well... part of them.

that broken part of them will make love to your boot
your stinky feet
your shitty ass
your thick cheesy cock
your leather-clad legs, chest, shoulders
they will make love to your nipples
and though so near
always miss your heart
as accurate as a surgeon

Fetish
experienced compartmentalized to get the fix
without letting the stream of life wash the whole


on the phone
i said to him

' i guess my fetish is love... intimacy... '
i fake it
it's not really fake
but in the moment
it's so real

i pretend the deepest love
that's what gets me off

praying for their immortal souls
worshiping their finite bodies with eternity
desperately giving all i have to them
receiving all they are

with the deepest of love and emotion
knowing
with safety
tomorrow i won't hear from them for months
and the yearning is just another part of the prize