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Vertical Prose


December 9th, 2004

railroadboy @ 09:26 am

Current Music: railroad boy -- magnetic fields



Last Night's Dream
had pretty much everyone i ever knew in it

i can only tell that from the people i can actually remember:

Sheridan, Xavier, Bridget. . .
i know there were more
i had the feeling of everyone
if not, why them?

all my girl friends?

there was the endless work to be done
set in many rituals
stringing of pearls

some friend had found a baritone Tuba
though they had no Mouth Piece
they just kept it around as decoration

i coveted it
i want to start making music again
and though not Pop
it's the one instrument i have had any proficiency at.

there was some dance
the whole dream was a film
music

i dyed my hair green

out on the retaining wall
split by the sea
or the great wall? split by the hills?

holding hands
in a circle

guest upon guest

Trevis...
knew all the words
when the Rappers forgot
(it's been along time, boys)

such a shoddy job
the scene had to be shot in many takes
but to achieve the dramatic vision
the director had chosen sunset

when edited back together to make the song work
the sun jumped from horizon to under to 2 hours before
sky vascilating through reds, oranges, purples and blues
dancing and laughing
waves lapping on the shore

maddonna?

who was that?

sarah?

i slid down the hill
and fell off the edge
there was a great recreation
i was over the edge of a sand-cliff
at the bottom

she looked at me with horrorfied eyes
being able to see what i could not

i narrowly averted destruction from a jetting snow-boarder
then many others
careening down the hill
jumping over me
or nearly
i danced out of the way
and instead of back on the wall for safety

i ran further away
dodging
dodging...

the Race came around the side
most dressed
but scantily
the three main contenders
neck-and-neck
gaining
was this big fat muscley boy
with a long semi-flacid thick cock
getting harder as the wind pulled it back
huffin and puffin...

i followed!
and got caught up in a chain-link fence down in the marsh lands
knowing i needed to get back to the ceremony anyway...



-------------


it was a long waking
i didn't want to wake
i've been enforcing rest up here
and staying in bed as long as i can
readin
or just dozing

today is a beautiful clear sky
the clouds are drifting through the valley

and i'm alone.


it's fuck and run!


a guy i had talked with on line came up last night
and i was surprised at how tender a heart he had
comes from German-Farmer (south dakota) Stock
Hot
his thick, naturally muscled and slightly cubby body
felt great in my arms

i was loving it. him. us.
need a little joy.

tusseled and turned for hours last night
after chicken soup

Trick.

playing it on myself?
i weaved in and out of emotions
his and mine
took some pictures in the dark
he got up and left nearly an hour ago
even though he took the day off work

"i haven't slept that good in a long time"
"ah, you look so cute there, wrapt up in those blankets"

why so quickly out the door?

these... Men.
fucking Men.
feel something tender and close

well, smarter, maybe?

he'd had two relationships in his life
12 years and 8
(though slightly nightmareish, that 8 one... both geminis, but the first one was 135# when he met him and 8 years later was 265: weight lifter! of course, self-delusional in other ways too: the last 3 years of the relationship he had another lover in another town who eventually called my friend here and said "who the hell are you?" =-= it was all lies... gemini trickster)
so i guess that's a better track record than mine
not having had any yet
anything but being scared by it (took me 4 years with Leo)
he said he wasn't so sure
the relationships were great
but mostly settling and losing himself

Yeah. sounds like love to me
(sigh)



hurmph.

lap top on my lap
laying in bed
turned around
looking out the north window
fog in the valley
light stripe through the blindingly blue sky
what to do today?

got a massage client coming tonight
Andy Kaufman, maybe? more reading about distilling? RFD's? tales of the city?
wrestling...
yeah yeah yeah yeah.

i've been feeling more social lately
yeah
wanting to be among the blobs
People, sorry S.

Wanting to have peers
learn/make music
language
art
culture
friends again
family
Seattle?
Surprise!
right, who would have suspected?
though i have been getting messages

but if only i could just be satisfied up here in the quiet
not a Hermit now
happily had a few years of that
not fair
back out in the world

visitor over the weekend, Leo, last night, today, tomorrow, the next... the next? Leo. Massage client, Coastal, Leo. Where?

gotta find a guitar
set down with some synths
plug in the microphone
and tell you all about it

now?
what to do today?

Hot Springs?
soup?
walking the hills?

railroad boy...
 
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