i was thinking about it
saying to myself
>> i don't really need to do that, do i?<<
and got two fortune cookies saying the exact same thing
about how i have a good business venture coming up
live in seattle for a while
closer to the city
closer to my own
Alone - ness
Leo and i had a custumarily frustrating Mercury Retrograde conversation
which was the first time i saw his Taurian possessiveness
though he did not cop to that...
i did my best to listen
and keep quiet.
eventually we ended up in bed together
i read to him for a bit
some old story from a '95 RFD about guys in a bath house...
the first facet of "Engine Summer" by John Crowley
we started talking
... i was just going to let it slide...
but he brought it up.
We talked about it for a while
it was good to talk about it
the type of love we have...
the way he feels
what i feel
i didn't feel like i was making a mistake then
it was very clear
... the clarity of conversation
but now, alone and thinking, the doubts creep in
only because they are supposed to
second guessing is a way of affirming
when it's talked about
it also becomes more real
(unless you're talking about the future, that is)
so i've been walking around today
tidying up the house
moving things outside in the lush wetness
wondering how many books i should take up there...
how many clothes?
should i get a ride with someone from the bay area?
fill the car with some boxes and my bag
plan to be there for at least three months?
a quarter year
is that enough to feel it out?
or should i just go with my back pack
and see how it feels when i arrive
play it out
and come back down to fetch stuff
if that's neccessary
got a few weeks
asking us about our travels and experiences
a few massage clients coming up
staring at the fire
and tying things up.