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Vertical Prose


December 29th, 2008

Visiting the past @ 04:45 pm

Drving down into Grand Rapids
I've only been here twice as an adult

The roads I drove on
So close
But I didn't know...

My maternal grandmother died when I was 13
I've not been here with my family since then

And the house she lived in isn't the same...
The sidewalk is
I recognize the trees
Though they're bigger
The side door on the neighbor's house
Where we played with Jamie
After his dad left his mother
The other house used to be blue
It's all vinyl siding now
Ugly
Lifeless

I take a few steps in each direction
Getting a feel for myself...

Where am I?
Who I used to be..,

All these people dead now
My grandmother
Her sister
Her mother---
My mom tells a story of getting to go into her mother's mother's house a few years ago:
A friend of her favourite cousin happened to buy it
A gay guy even..

Her eyes fill up with water as she gets lost in reverie...

I feel a great sadness as well
Akin to what I've felt all week...

Not the sadness of all these people dead
But
All the chances to love we've missed
 
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