is a very strange reality for many people
but in my Life
i'm often surprised
the roles we play for eachother
it's just because i so often deal with gay men
it's because i so often deal with gay men who have such similar lives to me
feel right into my desires
-- it's Men in LA who often pick up on just what it is i want
they sing me my own songs of desires
weaving the mystery and magic i often dream of
and how could they know?
it's always the men on the west coast
the little boys who ran off to live their dreams
and never came back
i spent a few hours today looking through Escort ads on line
-- there's a guy i had seen in a porn flick a few years ago... when i started watching porn again ( stopped after the age of 14 )
i found him today
(i'd had... Leads... for weeks.. but today... he came my way)
and there were pages of reviews of his performances
people stating how much they were... convinced
and how happy they were to pay
the idea of being an escort becomes more and more attractive
what more satisfying a role to play?
to Really get inside the audiance...
enough of all this distance.
it's not good enough to be a teacher
or a waiter
or a television personality
i want to taste the sweat off the flesh of the exhausted and pleased
i want to feel the sudders of bliss
of fantasies fulfiled...
perhaps i want to drink the syrum of these fantasies:
reading these reports
i never have such well-thought-out scripts
no matter what can be said of my luscivious ways
i never work from scripts
i just go into it
seeing what we can make together...
isn't that was making... love
getting in there together
becomming the ripplying of the milyway in the infinite night sky
becomming the magestic beast of prey
being hunted by an even more magestic bird of prey
talking to someone
"you know, when you just wanted to crawl inside someone? putting your entire body into them"
they stared at me blankly
fine, not the lover for me
but i knew what i meant.