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Vertical Prose

November 25th, 2008

Voice Post @ 10:28 pm

442K 2:15
“So I think it started with getting away with blaming somebody once. It makes it easier to do it again and never is anyone else's fault and, and eventually of course leads to the severance separation vision you know and like creating a feel between 2 people. That of course was once there I suppose and that there's a ritual that, that moves the feels and put the feel back in place and if there is no love flowing between a person and other people or indeed the whole world and you say oh, well now I'm living in a world, where love is bullshit or love doesn't exist. I don't love nor do I receive love and when you ask yourself why would you do such a thing. It's like well it's not worth it loving you and it's not worth it, just worth it and what does that mean or is it, how does loving one person compared to living in a world without love. That is the worst in living in a world without love. Some kind of like freedom on your own, nothing to love, no one to love, no to love you, be loved by. The entire world works by love. It functions and grows and progresses to love and so of course. One must never completely cut off our love and maybe the worst of a lover is simply that he's a lover and that he's there and then provides someone in the world for you to love and be loved by. Even if the love is disappointing and, and but even if the style was loving. I mean disappointing on both sides. What if my style of loving is just blaming and blaming and blaming cos that's the easiest thing for me to do to look at somebody and say oh, it's your fault no, no it's your fault. As apposed to dealing with it myself but off course if I have a lover that let's me get away with that. Then that becomes my style of loving and in fact my contribution to the world is not doing anything at all but just blaming and, and getting away with it. A lover who's a fall guy. That's not a loving thing to do is it? To let somebody get away with that kind of bullshit. It's not worth it to love you but what's worth anything in the world without love?”

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Date:December 24th, 2008 02:29 pm (UTC)

the good, bad, ugly of love

Hey dominic, it's bfurr from xtube (bfurr@breakthru.com), found your journal and parusing through...as one who loves intensely and loses horribly all that emotion you emit is the same for me...and my conclusions are identical...love is not just a feeling, an emotion, it's a healing...when i was making love to a local guy here because we both needed sex (and didn't get any) he commented that this was the first time he felt 'loved', like being washed somehow in a time where our body hair stroked away the sameness of everyone else's 'quicky' and our deep kisses connected in such a way that all he could say is 'so that's what loves feels like'...HELL, YEAH, DUDE... so many in this world don't want a connection, don't want more than a fast down 'n dirty trick...and then they wonder why life is empty, meaningless, sour...all they are amounts to conquistadors with notches of the crotches on their bedposts. I had a feeling you were into intuitive massage; massage has literally kept me alive and walking. I have done it since a child to family and friends as well, just not certified due to a condition known as transient osteoporosis. Manage it these days, the lack of good paying work has forced me to cut way back on therapy. I've done all those body work things as part of my love expression and care for my friends and the few partners I've had...yeah, living in the land of ex's these days but we are still friends to a degree; in fact, my partner of 8 years and I are back together after I lost my home due to bankruptcy. We will always be the best of friends and have been through hell and back together. It doesn't stop the hunt for love, though...real, deep, consistent connection which doesn't drain you, but energizes. I've experienced that love from time to time, it's out there...hard to find the good amongst the bad, the ugly of imposters...but the energy has been so powerful it literally fuses you and that other person, it's very intense and I've found none that can handle the joy of that intensity. It's spiritually charged, and kindred spirits who can handle it can have a lifetime of intense deep passion, love, laughter, healing and energy...but oh so rare. Still very much want to meet you and about 1.5 hours away from you, and sorry to hear about your kitchen crash (oh how I hate those!)...write me back at bfurr@breakthru.com and let me know how to get ahold of you.

Vertical Prose