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August 19th, 2008

back open @ 01:38 pm

Sunday morning I was able to open my back
it'd been fucked up since I left new york
something stuck
and digestive trouble
lots of skin break outs
and joint pain

I was a mess
of course
circumstance of Not being able to get the nature fix I had hoped for out here put me in such a foul mood

I did yoga every day
inspired by the classes I'd been teaching in Brooklyn last month
and with that tiny bit of clarity
pushing through my misery
showed me just how powerful and detrimental allowing myself to sit in anger and depression

it wasn't depression
because I was aware of my emotions the whole time
I was just consumed with anger and ugliness

I really don't like that

" what use are these dark suggestions that I follow?
are they part of some sort of plan? "
- Rumi

but I'd primed myself for it
wrote an article about the inevitable power of chaos
and the attraction for people to manifest as agents there of

then saw The Dark Knight
and Heath Ledger's perfect example of a Chaote
which, I'm sure is what spun him out of control

it's rare to be able to delve into the dark and be able to rebalance
without any wounds

I'm better
I'm back in keel

thank you for all of your support
either through comments, emails, prayers or just witnessing

--- this photo was taken a few days ago by a photographer here


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[User Picture Icon]
Date:August 19th, 2008 06:53 pm (UTC)
Love that pic!

read your post the other day. And honestly, the manner in which you write made me think it was a piece of creative writing you were doing, not an actual summation of your current state!

Glad you worked through it!
[User Picture Icon]
Date:August 19th, 2008 06:54 pm (UTC)
That's a nice picture. Sorry to hear you haven't been well.... good you are back now. I shall see you in a couple of days... X
[User Picture Icon]
Date:August 19th, 2008 07:01 pm (UTC)
Hold that thought!
[User Picture Icon]
Date:August 19th, 2008 07:24 pm (UTC)
You look so limber and lively in that photo... sorry to hear you have been unwell!

I don't suppose you are coming to the Blue Heron Gathering next week? I can email you the Call if you wish...

hugs, Shimmer
[User Picture Icon]
Date:August 19th, 2008 10:10 pm (UTC)
I like your definition of depression
as a state of not being
in touch with anger, sadness, frustration
(assuming I understood it correctly)

these days I'm in touch with some pretty ugly places
the ongoing mourning, anger, sadness
but depression? I think not

'Oh you're just in denial'
they say in one manner or another

as if I can't remember twenty five years of it
I know what depression feels like
all too fucking well
and this is not it

I hope you get your fix of green wildness soon
Date:August 19th, 2008 11:52 pm (UTC)
I am really glad you are back in a better space.
Keep up the good work.
[User Picture Icon]
Date:August 20th, 2008 07:06 am (UTC)
Glad you're feelin' better!


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