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August 15th, 2008

hater @ 10:32 pm

i'm kinda seething
seething in hatred and seething in lonliness

i've been sitting here working on this magazine for days
in the sweltering heat

thinking that i flew here to be at a hot springs
when i could use it ... so badly..
my skin is a mess, my digestion is a mess
my energy is all fucked up
i've been sick and achy and tired and feeling broken
and there are the hot springs
and fucking diva queens playing in them
and i'm stuck here
because they didn't fucking care that i flew here to be there
i was too late
so what the fuck ever

but i'm not at some other gathering
i'm not joyously traveling around
or seeing old friends
i'm sitting at my fucking computer working on their fucking magazine
a magazine i don't even like
but work on out of some sort of abject guilt

a friend called to remind me of that fact:
that they wouldn't allow me into their gathering
but i'm sitting here working on their rag
and the next issue is about this gathering

now i'm seething in anger
how can i do this?

i hate being a hater
but i just wish i were home

not that i have any really great friends there or anything
i don't have any real great friends anywhere
coz i'm such a nasty hater
but i'm fucking holding my breath in limbo here
and i want to explode.

... for what it's worth.
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Date:August 16th, 2008 06:10 am (UTC)

(Un)Holy SHITE! @_@

It's hard to know what to say when this kind of blatant...egotism happens.

You deserve better.

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Date:August 16th, 2008 06:14 am (UTC)
To hate injustice is not unjust
To feel rejection and not lash out is not a hating thing
To feel anger and not act on that feeling is not wrong
being slighted yet holding to ones accepted tasks is rare

A hater would trash them and their gathering in their own rag
A hater would leave them to their romp and find escape into the woods or wilds

an honorable man would finish is work
And learned man would remember and not repeat his mistake
and a wise man would start to consider that friends come in many layers in our lives, and would seek more time with those closet and if they did not see them, would find a place to retreat and consider why.
And a lucky man would realize he does have close friends, but that is is not wise enough to know them for who they are.

Do not hate the time, the place or yourself. Do not hate those that have not harmed you. Do not hate without reason. But know that hate exists to protect us from harm, it is not fear but fear can lead to it.

Hate is the burn after the flame, not the flame or the flesh.
Date:August 16th, 2008 06:22 am (UTC)
These emotions, toxic, are very familiar to me.

At the risk of sounding like a prick: This is the essence of work in America. We whore ourselves out, denying ourselves pleasure, for people who truly believe they are better than we. They aren't.

There is honor in work. You are an honorable man.

When I look in the dictionary under the word work, the definition That which lacks pleasure seems completely apt.
Date:August 17th, 2008 07:49 pm (UTC)
:-( I am really sorry they wouldn't let you in. The QR was kind of a bitch. I think you should have just crashed it.
Date:August 23rd, 2008 06:24 am (UTC)

what is that about?

Why do you think you don't have any great friends anywhere?

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