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Vertical Prose

July 1st, 2008

Voice Post @ 04:17 am

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Date:July 3rd, 2008 01:16 am (UTC)
There's an increased vitality in these recent voice posts, more range.
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Date:August 21st, 2016 05:48 pm (UTC)

transcription (1)

on my 29th birthday
i was in new york city
i was in vermont
working for this asshole
i didn’t really like him
but he’s not an asshole
he just didn’t give a shit about me
at all
which is irritating
he specifically was lording over that he didn’t give a shit about me
i then went out to Rock River and had a good time
i think, if not that day
then the next day
in vermont is a nudist bathing area which is very nice

x amount of time passed
i finished up
i decided it was over
i actually had a meeting with my friend
and said i really appreciated what he was doing
but i needed to make my own decision for my life
make my own life happen
and that was the only way i’d ever feel satisfied with my life
even i made big fucking mistakes

i got a ride from craigslist
a rideshare thing
which i had been doing for years
but it was the first time ever i got a ride share connection
with somebody i thought was hot and sexy
and it turns out he was some married guy who was just being gay
so we had sex a few times on the way going down
which was pretty cool

we got in the city
and i
i think i stayed with my friend Maurice
which was a nightmare
dragging all this shit of stuff i had amassed while i was in vermont
because i was ripping apart this old house
and took a lot of the junk that would have been thrown away
and brought it in to the city
thinking i would use it to start my new house

i went to folsom east
and it was pretty cool
i had a good time
i met some fun people
and i got flogged for the first time in my life

a couple of days later
i went to a sex party
i had never been to
and i was very horny
because i hadn’t been having sex
and i met Jorge Clar
who i’m now friends which
which is good

well, it didn’t happen that same night
must have been something like that

i stayed with my friend Maurice for a while
slept in his front room
events happened with that

i was going to look for my apartment
thought it would be so easy
i’d find one in a month

and it took me a very long time
because of the logistics
because of not having any proof of employment or insurance or income

it took me two and a half months
it was a lot of struggle
i’ll write the details about it later

i ended up getting an apartment in Washington Heights

the last day possible i would have tolerated any more waiting

i went down to Tennessee
and i got my possessions i had left down there
attended the gathering
brought them back up
with my friend Denny
and a Rocking Chair for Jorge

there was this whole thing before he ended up at the hospital

i painted the molding gold
i put up these big pictures i’d printed with the RFD guy Larry
and put my apartment together
and got stuff free off of craigslist and free cycle
and started to live and struggle through this idea of
who the fuck am i
and what am i doing while my saturn return is happening
and get settled in
and i was getting settled in
and doing massage work
and i was a little stressed out about not having any money
because i had six thousand dollars
and i spent it all moving in
i spent over five thousand dollars moving in
so all of my savings were gone
basically since then i’d been living from hand to mouth with no savings

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Date:August 21st, 2016 05:48 pm (UTC)

Transcription (2)

and i did a couple travels
but i didn’t want to
the nice thing was
every time i left
and went to puerto rico or oregon or hawaii
i just wanted to go home
because i loved having an apartment
and having my stuff
and sitting in my own area
it felt so good to me to have my own place

that’s what i did
i just went home
i loved being home
it was so nice


so time passes really quickly when you’re static right?
so i eventually stopped traveling and set up my life
and what are the details of..
having a boy friend?
having another boyfriend
having past boyfriends
trying to interact with people
being able to project less
and just appreciate people
love them for who they are

and start sorting through the shit
so i can get disciplined and make my art

which is what?
which is visual, which is intellectual, which is conceptual
i’m working on it
it’s happening
little piece are here and there
and i. . . you know
i’m understanding what it means to be myself
be my own daddy

and there’s a lot of shit about child molestation last summer
it was funny
about possibly possibly being molested as a child
but i don’t remember it
so who knows
if it ever actually happened
or if it’s just That’s What My Psyche is Like
someone who has been damaged as a kid
maybe it wasn’t sexual at all
maybe i was just betrayed by the world
lost the garden of Eden

but it’s alright
because i’m alive
and i’m here
and i’m learning again how to love
and just be
and play with the planet
for as long as i’m here for
and there are more stories

. . .

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