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November 8th, 2004

feeding and receiving @ 04:30 pm

Current Music: as time goes by --- billie holiday

Standing

i've noticed many times over the last four years
that i stand off-kilter

that is
i seem to put more weight on my left leg
keeping the knee straight
tilted hips
bent right knee.


i've thought a lot about it
is it that i am disconnected from my feminine energy?
my Yin?
my reception?

it's taken a while
and i think i've come to understand it now

this year i've been noticeably doing it less
consciously willing it so
and noticing it so

today
i noticed it strongly
(that i was doing it, rather)

and it clicked in:
i am not receiving.
closed to reception
channel becomes hard
only useful as pilar
not tentacle nor grass
more like trunk of tree
not like dancing boy

why's this?

my lover of sky and storm
told me last month that it concerns him that i am so comfortable being around people who devour me
and he'd like me to spend more time with people who feed me
(we feed eachother, he and i)

the situation i'm in now
i feel more like i'm being devoured:
this man is so hungry!
we all are, really
the earth has so many beautiful things to feast on
and i am a specific nutrient, i am
rare
and only some enjoy the taste
and those that do
are often starving for it

the imbalance of this is
when i am around people so hungry
perhaps i am scared by this? this lack... this hunger...
i shut down reception around them
... perhaps i feel they will sneak in through my Yin channel and drain me?
(old fear)
don't i have saftey valves against this?
-- i feel i must be on defense!

like performing too much at a faery gathering or living in community
must retreat
forms shell
keeps me safe
but also seperate
less fed, nourished, connected

fear
stopping life
makes for stone
still
tilted hips
hard left leg

stand strong
spread wide
balance
recieve
give

get on with it!

thank you love.
 
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Comments

 
From:redfurrybear
Date:November 12th, 2004 07:24 am (UTC)

The Prey Attitude

(Link)
Sometimes we are predators, and sometimes we are prey. Omnivores are like that. Our society might say it would rather have us all embrace peacefully and sing in steady, balanced harmony, but that's not the way we are. Think about the blessing of being prey. I have always been fascinated by how gracefully prey animals accept their fate, once they realize it is inevitable. They do. Let go, with or without your leg, and see what happens.
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From:dominicvine
Date:November 12th, 2004 08:21 am (UTC)

Re: The Prey Attitude

(Link)
(grrrrr)
(laughs)

i LOVE your California attitude
such sunshine out of you all the time
(shrugs)

i come from the moody midwest
but i suppose it's good to accept one's fate

i just don't like being devoured all the time!
and i don't want to have to hunt and feed!

i prefer to be fed.


oddly enough
this post has been replied to many many times
but in phone calls and emails
you're the first who did it through here...

hey mr Green
i'm coming to the city this Saturday til friday
let's meet up and go for a walk, eh?

HUGS
(no subject) - (Anonymous)
[User Picture Icon]
From:dominicvine
Date:November 22nd, 2004 07:06 am (UTC)
(Link)
you do realize
that you are the person i was talking about in this post, right?

not the one i was frightened of
but the one where we fed eachother?

i agreed with your advocation
and highly appreciate it

and i see you cultivate being fed every time i read your journal

but i want more of our feast

however
i don't think your metaphore is exactly correct
i think it's more complex than that:

an old friend of mine (trevis) threw the I-Ching for me back in 97
and came up with "nourishing Jaws"

wait, i won't take that route
(laughs)

i'll just say
that i think i need to learn to be nourished more by teaching and setting good examples for the hungry
teaching them how to fish... showing them it can be done
we might say

rather than
being devoured by my own pride in people loving my accomplishments
which
in fact
are really no doings of my own
just reflections of my Virtues
which i cannot take credit for
just be grateful of


And... um...
What is a Monopod?
like an Encephalopod?

ore more like someone foreced to stand around all day
or use a crutch always?


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