i've noticed many times over the last four years
that i stand off-kilter
i seem to put more weight on my left leg
keeping the knee straight
bent right knee.
i've thought a lot about it
is it that i am disconnected from my feminine energy?
it's taken a while
and i think i've come to understand it now
this year i've been noticeably doing it less
consciously willing it so
and noticing it so
i noticed it strongly
(that i was doing it, rather)
and it clicked in:
i am not receiving.
closed to reception
channel becomes hard
only useful as pilar
not tentacle nor grass
more like trunk of tree
not like dancing boy
my lover of sky and storm
told me last month that it concerns him that i am so comfortable being around people who devour me
and he'd like me to spend more time with people who feed me
(we feed eachother, he and i)
the situation i'm in now
i feel more like i'm being devoured:
this man is so hungry!
we all are, really
the earth has so many beautiful things to feast on
and i am a specific nutrient, i am
and only some enjoy the taste
and those that do
are often starving for it
the imbalance of this is
when i am around people so hungry
perhaps i am scared by this? this lack... this hunger...
i shut down reception around them
... perhaps i feel they will sneak in through my Yin channel and drain me?
don't i have saftey valves against this?
-- i feel i must be on defense!
like performing too much at a faery gathering or living in community
keeps me safe
but also seperate
less fed, nourished, connected
makes for stone
hard left leg
get on with it!
thank you love.