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November 7th, 2004

being engulfed in love (and other dangers) @ 10:43 pm

so

i have this guest here
he's been here two days
though it seems like forever

and though i had just written a plea for teachers
i feel like much more of a teacher here

ah-zo
guess i need to practice what i'm preaching:

Slow Down
Listen

of course i'm learning a lot
through is example
(and what comes through me)
but i'm doing InStructing!


he's very New Age
hasn't really lived in the USA much over the last 20 years
so has very fresh excited eyes;

i wanted to show him the beauty

we went to Gurneville/Rio Nido/Forrestville last night
to stay with some artist/friends of mine
visit some faery friends of mine
and swing through the happening nightlife..

Yesterday was Samhain
the midpoint between the autumnal equinox and the winter solstice
the point when the viel between the living and the dead is at its thinnest
All Souls Day
the day of the dead...
halloween

we celebrated it with Crow
storytelling and ritual
it was beautiful
releasing and connecting
feeling very vulnerable
and safe...

afterwards
Lewis (my guest) and i
headed into Gurneville to check out the bars (his desire: he loves the Eagle)
and go to the Russian River Resort to do some Karoke (i sang the song "Laid" by James)
and then soak in the rather sexy hot tub in the back
ah... small town gay mecca.

the sexual energy was pretty fun
both L and i were having a good time
but i spent my last 45 minutes in there hugging
connecting
flowing
kissing
messhing
undulating
being in love
with some guy i had seen sitting at a bar stool an hour before
and told him i was going there
--- it's where he was staying
and he was so so so so sweet.

that's the kind of thing that ONLY happens to me in CA
the energy of the land
somehow makes it easy for those of us who are here
to just melt our bodies and merge
(which is also what annoys me about SF -- people's boundaries are often kinda sloppy because of this)

no cumming, though
just love
and exchange of emails for later

i was walking down the street with L afterwards all filled with love
and in the middle of ranting to him about this
as we were approaching a group of guys on the sidewalk
i said "and sometimes i just want to touch Everyone!"
some very hot, tall, stocky bear guy said
"you can touch me"
and i jumped over with glee and wrapped my arms around him and buried my head in his chest




He pushed me away and said
"what the fuck are you doing, faggot?"
and i felt the energy immediately
went with the flow of that push
and kept on walking down the sidewalk
he was yelling behind me
"i'll fucking bury you! come back here and touch me again, faggot! COME ON!"

walking....

Gurneville IS a small town
with plenty of rednecks
but the only times i'd ever been there
it's been SWARMING with gay men
THOUSANDS
up from SF and everywhere else
Lazy Bear Weekend

it's a Very Gay Town

... and i'm sure that makes the straight red-neck locals really angry
especially at the end of the night when they've been drinking...

my mind coalesced on it:
a group of guys standing in front of the only bar i didn't know on the street: the straight one.
they would have loved to have beat the shit of me together...

i grew up being beaten a lot
by individuals and groups

and i'm not a fighter
though i have confidence now that i could kill a guy if i needed to
i'm not Master enough to take on four
especially not big bucks like that
and i also know how to just walk away
with that confidence
and not be afraid

he got in a kick with his big booted foot
left a slight bruise on my ass
i felt today
as i hiked for two hours through the redwood forest...


it's funny
in all the years i've been attracted to men like my father
and MORE
the rednecks
the hunters
the truckers...
i've never made the mistake of crossing that line
though i've always been afraid of doing so

being engulfed in love
and two glasses of bourbon was enough to make me forget
and imagine
for just a moment
that it was easy to just love everyone you saw


i LOVE that!
 
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