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Vertical Prose


November 2nd, 2004

*tap tap* @ 12:06 am

did everyone go home?

have i been silent enough to get the room empty?

well
we've been drumming up some business
well, i've been scouting some new talent

i'm not going to say i'm wallowing in any old pains
or make full bodies out of the bones of making any new ones

i want to explain why i've been quiet
i want to tell you how it was

but now is not the time for that

the fire is dying down out in the main room
the electric oil-heater in here is keeping me warm enough to be naked
and there are still some sunny days here in northern california

i can only hold my hands up as if i'm innocent
and say
' it was love, it was love
that stuff scares me to death
it was love and i was somewhere kicking cans in an alley
and broken bottles hitting that beautiful boy
i don't want to feel like i'm leaving scars
i don't want to feel like i'm poisoning the well we're drinking from '

but i don't trust the devil who's been wearing her wings and sitting on my shoulder and telling me everything is alright
i've just been going along with the song because i'm tired of moaning like the junk-yard cats that are taking over the city

Somehow
i'm setting off on a journy here
being still
looking for life
beyond my searching and grabbing and wanting
somewhere
i'm going to remember the light of my center
and sit back down in it

When i kissed him
my heart poured out like a waterfall
and
whenever i feel that
what people call Love
it just hurts so much

well, i couldn't say Just
but i couldn't say Stay either.

Listen
i'll do my best to make it clear
that's not what this is about now
this is about picking the crud away from the plug i jammed the hole up with
i'm counting on a torrential flood
soon

right now i have to trick myself into at least whispers
as always
this isn't for you, dear
it's for me

but the more i do this
the more i can love
(and all of you anonymous fearers of love or words, thank you, thank you)
and the more i can love
the more i can be with you
and that's all i want

not much of a life?

Girls
i'm becomming famous of my little virtues
and it's time i do something to earn them (again)
don't want to just rest on my laurels
(though this mountain is made of laurels, i mean it, i'd say half the trees up here are bay laurel..)
the world needs more generation of beauty
and we do it while we can

i'll stop now while i'm unwinding
it really is time for bed

blessings
and thanks
hopefully you'll read this in a few weeks
where it's just a funny introduction
to something less ominous than this appears.
 
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