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October 2nd, 2004

must'a been a dream from a thousand years ago.. @ 01:46 am

well, what can i say?

i've been... busy.

New Hampshire

Love? Lee...

i'm leaving in a few hours for Tennessee for the faery gathering at Short Mountain

i'll be there til round the 11th or so
if you're looking for me
that is where you'll find me.



there's been this thing about love
immense comfort
so much it's scary.

there's been lots of cuddling
really appreciative
with lover
with lovers

and intelligence

and... forget me not: stupidity

wrapt up the fear, twirled around

it's been OK

it's been alright.

today i have been sleep deprived all day
and it all seemed odd:
i don't belong here

all of these people live here

i am a visitor here: i am not permanent

so i'm leaving

though i planned on doing that anyway
so it's not out of place


for those of you who don't live here...

there are so many flashing lights
and little rooms you can get in
that rumble
and take you across the city

now we're at the beach
now we're in the dark
by the park
up the stairs
lost in pizza
and some strange raw-meat dish from korea

beautiful creative people
insecure people
fabulous people
humble people


pretty girls too

i am glad i'm in love with everybody

while i was in bed with Pop a few days ago
i realized we were all in love

while i lay with that stout manifestation of Mars/neptune and mercury
i tried to express it:

we have so much trouble getting it together

strip us down
butter us up
roll around in love

so hard to get in sometime

i'm tired
and can't begin to tell you all about it

sorry i've not seen those of you i've wanted to see
sorry i've not served those of you i've wanted to serve

there will be more

i'm going to the trees
to the people who are pretty OK with being crazy
and dreaming up a different reality than that which is Just being offered
clashing the regular creative cycle

but all of it is neccessary

thanks for doing the work
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Date:October 2nd, 2004 02:40 am (UTC)
"Love", eh? You're like a toddler that's learned a new noun, running around the house pointing at random objects and calling them all by that name. The difference is the toddler doesn't know any better. Ignorance is bliss, but you're not ignorant or blissful. Going by the comments of the other users on your site, your friends are either smitten and/or likewise misguided. I could be wrong but implicitly, it sounds like you've made a life for yourself siphoning off the resources of others secured through procured sympathy (your writing is at its most ardent and poetic when you're deluding yourself, therein lies the charm), sex, and the compulsory hospitality of others, so you're all set(then again, you're only young for while). But you seem extremely smart, so you probably knew that already.
[User Picture Icon]
Date:October 2nd, 2004 08:16 am (UTC)
heard all that before
thanks for your bravery

what's your name and what's your face
and your satisfying and so well-made life?

tell me a story
perhaps you can help guide me
Date:October 3rd, 2004 11:06 pm (UTC)
Why ask for guidance when you have the answers already? LOL. If you've heard it all before and haven't figured it out by this age, then there is good reason to be pessimistic. Still, you will likely get more sympathy and sex out of it, but none of that "love" you keep talking about. Not to be harsh, but you don't seem to be bringing much to the table for a relationship: "teach me, guide me, house me, fuck me."

The impression is you sort of Goldilocks your way around, hoping to find that bed and bowl of porridge that feels "just right" that someone else took the time and energy to make. Again, this is ok for a toddler, but if Goldilocks were an adult she'd be whorish, misguided, and lecherous.

Nevermind me, though. Your friends on here will likely dismiss any plausibility in this rant and you'll carry on just as you have before.
Maybe you actually will look back when you are 40, homeless, and mooching with a sense of pride and accomplishment. Perhaps I should not have said anything in the first place.
[User Picture Icon]
Date:October 7th, 2004 10:35 am (UTC)
but you're side-stepping the important part:
i am making myself vulnerable and availiable
i am doing my best to live as i can
who i am.

who are you?
show yourself!

do you really feel your great contribution to my life is to be an asshole spewing shit into my vulnerable heart?
does that make you feel better?

i take no pain from cowards hiding in the dark slinging shit from their own insecurities

but are you someone i've met?

or are you one of the other name-less voices that have written to me before?

and what
of my life
hurts you so much that you feel you must debase me?

what are you doing with these words that has any positive affect on your or my (or others') life?

why are you doing this?


step up, mother fucker
get in the ring
meet me in the forest
be a real person

the people who have responded to my journal
have either empathy through their life experience
of have met me
understanding what it is i DO give in a realationship
in even a meeting

i give every moment of my life, honey
and those around me feel that
we share
we all give what we can

yes, i take house and food

but i make food
and i make shelter of another kind

i will not be doing this when i'm 40
but i'm 26
and i have no regrets

what is your great tale?


there is anger in my heart about this correspondance with you
but only from your fear and arrogance
and if you feel you must speak to me with such malice
i demand you do with with your whole self
your face
your contact
your whereabouts

stab yourself in the eyes in your own boring empty dark place

and let me be who i am
Date:October 8th, 2004 08:38 am (UTC)
I think this person doesn't have a Live Journal account; hence the anon comments. Of course, they could leave a name though.
[User Picture Icon]
Date:October 8th, 2004 11:02 am (UTC)
I love Dominic, and I've never had sex with him. I could go the rest of my life without having sex with him, and I'd still love him. I think he's attractive, but that's such a transient thing, ain't it? My question would be, why do you feel so compelled to respond to his journal and offer the unsolicited comments? You have a right to em, but what drove you to post? Is it to make everyone feel better and spread cheer? It's not like yer puttin out some alternative for consideration that would trump his happiness and sense of wonder at it all. I dunno. Just curious.

oh, and hi, puddinhead
Date:October 8th, 2004 01:31 am (UTC)

Satyr of the Golden Tree

You know, I just think it's funny how some people can be so jealous. To me, it's not what material things a person brings with them, it's what they are as a person that really counts. All the other things in life work themselves out for the most part, if you have faith. Here, my friend is exposing his innner thoughts and trying to express his being, my only interest is in him, how he is, I read his journal to try to get to know him better. I care not what he does for a living or where he has to stay. He's on an adventure in my eyes, it requires courage, strength and piece of mind to do what he's doing. So go on, be jealous, envious or whatever it is you are, just try to let others be who they are, it's not up to anyone else to try to call someone out. That's just being bitter, and no-one's looking for that in life.

(no subject) - (Anonymous)
[User Picture Icon]
Date:October 28th, 2004 12:49 pm (UTC)
i'm sorry you wasted your time reading it
my own writing and the support of my other friends set my heart and mind at ease before i even returned to the city

i promise i'll write something new soon so your eyes won't have to linger on this

HUGS, blessed.

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