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Vertical Prose


August 29th, 2004

sometimes everything is Easy @ 10:32 am

i had a dream
secret societies
murders
end of the world

some stupid rip off from "Angels and Demons"
why it would whip back and hit me tonight
i don't know
but it was funny
not so sinister

i infiltrated the stronghold
and it was more like a stage set
all the real ancient props were seemingly cardboard
or... not that cheap
just not well made; very little aesthetic

It was Nayland
he'd thrown out the old Throne
replaced it with an amazingly strong looking Iron one
was it soft?
the king's ruling place looked more like a CEO office
surrounded by castle

i saw him there
no, he wasn't
i saw him walk up the stairs
i walked up the other to see if i could surprise him
: he was completely shaved
no, he wasn't
and he didn't walk up stairs
he walked across the dusty yard
castle walls now chain-link fence
he went into the modular double-wide
and i sat on a platform overlooking the junk-yard listening to the dogs bark
wondering how i was going to get to him

somewhere
somewhen
there was a party
for the end of the year
underground
in the castle's caverns
Nayland was the host
big suit
and beard
(Occasionally he'd have a shaved head and face, though, his eyes globular and sleepy)

when he came in and found me on the bed talking to the girls
he smiled
and said it was time to go
so we all piled into the car


i don't know where we were going
something told me to wake up
if i really wanted to get to him.









I was amazed
just how bitchy i can be

Arthur (i'll call him that, i like it better: it's such a beautiful, powerful name)
has big thumbs
big toes
big veiny feet
the nails broad
the calves even veiny
the skin loose
as if he had once been bigger
but was now not

but not that
it was that he had once been hard
and time, like air, made his exteriour less dense

.. but, let me get back to me.

the whole situation with him was
as long as i kept myself expressing myself freely
he was connected to me
-- i let him know i wanted him
.. i didn't know why i wanted him

Something cool about Faery space is
we challenge eachother not only be honest all the time
but to question ourselves and be clear on our motives
:
did i want him for any reason but the pornography of my desires?

and maybe the boy he had on his arm didn't have a fetish for men like him
coz that boy kept kissing me too and grabbing my hand
but was that because his Man wanted him to?

did we do it to please daddy?

where is my true heart?

slammed up against that wall
i wondered what i was doing
why did i want him

Thumbs
Calves
soft/strong/boyish/manly/playful/animal face?
large veiny flacid prick?
stocky past glories and present attention?

not just his body pulls me so strong
he has energetic presence

do You know what i mean?
to touch
and feel the waters flow between us?
to breathe with eachother
the light coursing up the spine
and back down into the toes
through belly to belly, chest to chest, mind to mind, cock to cock
the soft warm strength of the hand hold


Angry
or
feeling Entitled?
Envious of the two of them together at every moment
holding hands
arms around shoulders
needless to say
sleeping together
exchanging energy
no doubt physically
but in the same way i felt it with him too?

probably.


THE S&M play party was not as bad as i thought it was:
while i was in there
it was pretty chill

He beat the boy
grining and grrrring and then the kissing
the possessing somewhere in there
-- to be taken in hand

while the majority of us
were standing and staring
holding space
at the two celibate beauties
boyfriends
piercing eachother's chests with hypo-needles
while cutting the skin with them into the shapes of OMs
while laughing in ecstasy in eachother's faces
slamming foreheads together
licking tongues
kissing
laughing
talking in voices
coursing
coursing into and through eachother
not exactly 50/50
but in the balance of waves..

i walked from there edgy
feeling the power of honing your rage

walked through the night
not so cold with this flaming core

but went to my tent to lay down anyway
and from there
heard a fight break out from new-kids on the land
one boy chasing the other
screaming in a voice sounding surely demonic
he was probably a neophyte possessed by one of the unleashed spirits from the play party
they pummeled eachother

a ragg night
i was angry early
it passed
White Dragon nearly bit my head off
then we and the girls worked eachother with leather and needles
and then this


well good
i went to sleep

spent the last day in appreciation
and leaving
pictures
and a severe happiness

thankful in heartcircle for the mercury retrograde
returning me to the feeling of Simple Loving

"sometimes
everything is
easy...."

i could still cry
i could still feel
i could still think
and i could love

loving around town
only a little fearful
only a little angry
but with clarity
and it wasn't just the gathering
it started before
but there i was
now here i am

waking on green sheets in Albequerque
seeing where the next few days will take me before heading to NYC

Yes
.. there are still a few things i need to catch up on
but... til then
 
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