i feel so much better now.
and Rice Pudding
warm and thick and ready for sleep...
i was just telling someone
how my first few years of gatherings
i was very extroverted
raised by the energy
i can only take so much
and then must go hide again.
and all day i have been thinking of Protection:
i don't want to be protected: i want to exist in a realm where i need no protection.
however, back in this reality we all share...
my first few years of gatherings i always had lots of protection on
Hematite and many other gems
magickal garments of many sorts
i've buried them, given them away, or lost them now
still always holding the conscious desire NOT to have protection
but it's becoming much clearer to me now:
to keep myself how i like to be
i must protect myself
i like to remain very sensitive
around many disruptive energies
i must have filters
like in highschool
i wore lots of Black:
a great way to cut of the energy that actually reaches us...
but my technique now is more on par with letting the energy flow through me
and retreating when i need to re-balance myself.
it is not fully satisfying
neither were the tools of protection and filtering:
which kept me much more together
but cut-off in a way from what i was experiencing
yet... i feel like that now anyway
perhaps that's just me...
much more skill needs to be put into what i choose to interact with
and how i choose to do so
this, of course, will become clearer when i am living accoring to my will and intention more clearly
thus things will naturally follow in flow of what is good for me
"driven like the snow", eh?
well, i wonder...
break these chains and . . .
am i willing to give up such sweetness?
(i'm getting cavities...)
how is it serving me?
oh, i'm so tired: i must sleep.