dominicvineoftheowls (dominicvine) wrote,
dominicvineoftheowls
dominicvine

sugar and alcohol



"if you don't take me out to dinner
i don't eat"

i used to think about that all the time
(read it on the radiohead website ten years ago or so)

for me
it's so easy to forget to eat
hours and hour
not so important
til feel a gnawing...
what is that?

some of the most basic needs are so easily forgotten

(take a deep breath)

yesterday i was finishing some left overs from thanks giving
ate some pie and icecream
and later
with jorge
i ate the other container of sub-standard ice cream

then we went to dinner
had good starchy and fatty foods

came back
ate a papaya
and that was all i could handle

but he brought out another pint of ice cream
and we polished that off...

(now, a few months ago i was eating a pint of ice cream every day... and it got to a point where i Noticed that when i ate the ice cream my skin would get itchy and my attitude would become foul -- so i began to lay off the sugar... )

this correlation became even stronger

i felt alright earlier in the day
but by the time i ate that third pint of ice cream
my whole body
again
became terribly itchy
felt sore and achy
and again my attitude became very irritated

i had enough consciousness to see that it was an artificial irritation
but i was still in it
so i expressed it and rolled over and slept

this morning i feel terribly hung over
... very similar to how i felt monday morning after coming home from nayland's party

i remember hearing that alcoholism and sugar addiction are very similar
relating to some problem the body has metabolising sugars
pancreas?
something...

i'm just socked that i feel the same terrible hangover
sore... dry mouthed...
and the rush of the sugar high is the same as the bottle
(but the bottle dissolves everything and one falls over and slides down)

i hadn't been drunk in a long time
and it always shocks me afterwards (sometimes during)
how i think having another drink
when i'm getting drunk
always seems like a really good idea

and i become giddy
and stupid
and yet
am unable to stop myself from acting in inappropriate ways

ick



i write this mainly as a reminder
because i always forget
and making a connection between my family's genetic addictions
and emotional destroyed states
so hopefully i won't do this any more



oh, all of you much older than i...
does there come a time in your life when it's easier to make decisions and stick with them?
simple social choices...
or is life always tricky?
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