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September 5th, 2007

oh, the horror @ 02:30 am

i should be sleeping..

but instead
i've just finished the rest of RFD issue 131
i'm really waning on it


i guess i feel like posting again

this is what i thought would happen

and it's working:

i have a place to live
.. now i can get back to my life.

i'm on the 6th day of my fast
i intend to do it for 14 days

last night i dreampt about eating
breaking my fast
a house party at someone else's house
lots of food around me
smoking pot
all sorts of stuff
i was so drunk
that i just started eating
and that shocked when i realized what i'd done..
so i buttered some toast and shoveled it down.

then i was on a train

then i was on a dirigible
with "my two friends" (i have no idea who they were)

i realized i was riding a bit too high up
and i slid right off
into the open air
holding on to two of the nice pillows i had been laying on

(i read some articles about John Balance last night)
the pillows were kinda making me float
the guys were screaming

i couldn't figure it out (though i can often fly in dreams, i didn't
know i was dreaming)

eventually i figured it out...
different than usual, i tapered my hands in just the right way to catch the wind
then it just felt like i was caressing the wind
and it carried me
over the hills and fields...

and this morning i felt terribly weak

i woke
i flushed
i slept
i slept
i got up
and i slept some more

and i had to finish this damned magazine

and i felt so weak and tired
and terrible

yesterday i got really irritable
and i don't like that
but it's part of the process...

at one point in the evening
i decided i needed some lemons
so went out

this time i walked to 1st avenue (for a superfluous distraction)
and noticed a store called "GRACEFULLY"

it was over on the east side of 1st avenue
which i have come to despise...

Peter Cooper Village... and Styvesant Town..
it all looks like Eastern Bloc to me
and all the shops have standardized names
it looks like strip malls in the fucking suburbs..

But Gracefully called to me
(and i was finding shitty lemons at the delis...)
so i walked in...
and around the store for about an hour.

i was so pissed i hadn't discovered this place in the two months i'd been here
they had a million amazing icecreams
all the mochi cakes i could desire
beautiful chesses..

and Aspics!?!
chocolate corn tortillas!

cakes and baked goods and deli items...

the place was gorgeous
and over priced

but still

i would have eaten so much of this stuff

and i walked around
with a handful of lemons
savouring all my options..

thinking of how i would come off the fast tomorrow

how foolish! to fast now! to fast in NYC!

i should just let myself get fat!

(it's not that i was getting fat that bothered me.. i just felt sluggish and stuffed up.. plush i wanted to cleanse from all that shit in the first two weeks i was here... and just focus my intention.. it worked: i got my apartment on the second day of my fast)

and i mulled it over..

can i just stop fasting right now?

but wouldn't that be disregarding the benefits of why i was doing this in the first place?

true: i love fasting
and i know it's good for me
and it shouldn't be suffering

and today i felt terrible!

but challenge is good
and discipline is one of the things i'm learning

indeed, i will do more fasts of different types as i live here in NYC

it is Necessary

because there is always a Gracefully of Something
everything everything everything desired
right there at my fingertips
with only the high price of compromising my intentions and integrity



i only came home with Lemons
and intend to stick to it

even though the two people who said they were going to fast with me this time
backed out before we even began

that's just the way it is sometimes

oh, events events events
am i writing about what i'm learning too? not just what i'm doing?

i'm tired
and must sleep!
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[User Picture Icon]
Date:September 5th, 2007 01:32 pm (UTC)
what kind of fast is it?
[User Picture Icon]
Date:September 5th, 2007 04:45 pm (UTC)
it's the Master Cleanse

The Lemonade Fast

i've done it many times

but never in NYC!

if you google it
you'll find all sorts of stuff about it

i always feel wonderful when it's over

i feel pretty high when i'm doing it, usually, as well..
[User Picture Icon]
Date:September 5th, 2007 05:07 pm (UTC)
It sounds great! Good luck with it!
[User Picture Icon]
Date:September 6th, 2007 12:13 am (UTC)
Would you mind if I added you as a friend here on LJ? I've been following your journal since I came across it via the friends list on the bearoftheday community? I live near Chattanooga, TN and am a chubby bear and a Zen priest.
[User Picture Icon]
Date:September 6th, 2007 05:36 am (UTC)


Ahhh, Yeah
go ahead.

i just went to your journal..
is everything locked?
i only saw one post..
well, that and the counter..
clever way to put a counter on your page.

i'm heading to TN in a few weeks..

ever go to short mountain?

[User Picture Icon]
Date:September 6th, 2007 12:00 pm (UTC)

Re: Friend!

Most everything is locked at the friends level. I just didn't put you on my list until I knew it was OK to you if I did so. I try to be kind of respectful that way.

I have never been to short mountain, but when I lived in Nashville a buddy of mine went and was into the RF movement.
[User Picture Icon]
Date:September 10th, 2007 07:08 am (UTC)

Re: Friend!

where do you live now?

i don't know if RF are a movment..
i don't know what they are
i like hanging out with gay men in the forest
who aren't really fixed in their genders...

(though i am not so into the energy sexually.. i love the life force there)
[User Picture Icon]
Date:September 10th, 2007 12:31 pm (UTC)

Re: Friend!

I live just north of Chattanooga (in Cleveland). Good location, really, because I'm near Nashville, Knoxville, and Chattanooga.

I couldn't exactly get "into" the RF guys, but, at that time, I was 24 and didn't know crap about life.
[User Picture Icon]
Date:September 10th, 2007 06:13 pm (UTC)

Re: Friend!

Ahhh, well
i'll be there from the 23rd (or so) til the 4th
so if you want to come up, even for the day: you're pretty close

let me know when i so i can make sure i'll be around..

[User Picture Icon]
Date:September 11th, 2007 07:18 am (UTC)

Re: Friend!

Check your email (vyne23 AT yahoo DOT com). Let's take this discussion private, but most definitely I'd like to visit.
[User Picture Icon]
Date:September 6th, 2007 03:02 am (UTC)
you were in my hood if you were at gracefully. that store is like a time machine, you go in and when you come out it's a month later.
[User Picture Icon]
Date:September 6th, 2007 03:50 am (UTC)


Yeah, PJ
i've been in this hood for two months
i'm staying at 2nd and 20th street

i'm leaving this weekend to house sit in the west village though
then to TN for a week to get my stuff

i'll be moving into my place in Inwood begining of next month

give a call...
[User Picture Icon]
Date:September 10th, 2007 07:07 am (UTC)

Ave A Farm

Oh, a friend just told me that there's another Gracefully down on Avenue A
(that he and his friends used to refer to as "The Avenue A Farm"

so that's more your hood, i imagine
-- i remember you saying you lived in the east village

i'm very glad i've been able to house sit here
it's been a great visit
but i wouldn't want to live here:

too many hospitals

too many strip-mall looking things

too many apartment blocks that look like the Eastern Bloc (Styvessant town and Peter Cooper village)

tomorrow i'll be in the west village near W4 street
house sitting for two weeks


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