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March 17th, 2007

third day @ 10:54 pm


so this brings us to Saturday

the day of Nude Volleyball

every saturday
around 2:30
20 to 70 men gather to play volley ball
in various stages of nudity
(some are fully clothed)
gay men and straight men
old and young

a non-sexual setting
people bring drinks and snacks
and we talk and play

i woke up feeling exhausted
but Normand was going into Pahoa for work
and i asked him if he would drop me at the internet cafe

it was my intention to do some posting about what was happening THEN
(as it is nearly a week later, now)
but when i got online
there were so many things i had to tie-up
and re-arrange

i felt good i was getting that done
and making some initial connections with internet people on this island...

if found someone i'd been interested in Years ago...
there again

i updated my article for this issue of RFD

and that about took up my time

Normand picked me up
and waited for me outside:
he doesn't really like being in-doors
when i first talked with him on the phone
he told me
"we're lucky to say that we spend more than %80 of our time outside..."

when we got back to the farm
there was an hour and a half before people started showing up
so i went back to my yurt to continue my computering...

Another guy i've wanted to meet for a long time: i realized he's moved here
and going through many old emails
writing writing writing
-- they'll all be sent when i go back on line...

played a bit more Secret of Mana
before the power ran out

oh, wait
i masturbated for the first time here as well

lay down
but couldn't sleep

and i could hear the volley ball already

how did time pass so quickly?

i walked down in my clogs
Chris made it quickly known that i could come live with him if things didn't work out for me here

i was feeling so anti-social
and tired
and sore

i told him i needed to go get my real shoes on so i could play
our court here is made of crushed lava rock: not exactly sand)

i talked with people
felt like New Meat
(as, admittedly, i often do)
drank beer
tried to smoke a cigarette
(i rolled it myself, american spirit.. but i only got through three drags before i had to put it out)

two boys i know from SF are living here now
came in through the Banana Boys just three months ago
and have already inherited an older man's farm!

crazy boys

but they were taking care of the music
there were some great Underworld songs...

and i got on the field and played
for the first time in... Ten years?

i wasn't that bad
or that good

my serve's alright

i'm sure i'll learn.

-- this will be an excellent way to network
when i'm feeling up to it

but right now i'm so tired

i think i ate with them
and went to sleep early...
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[User Picture Icon]
Date:March 25th, 2007 10:09 pm (UTC)
what an adventure. if i wasn't such a freak about myself, my body, talent, etc. i think i could really function and flourish in that setting. i don't know that i will ever know. i'm too uptight and neurotic. it's inspiring to read your travels though-
[User Picture Icon]
Date:March 26th, 2007 12:46 am (UTC)
Thanks PJ
... did you move to NYC so you could feel normal?

everyone there is neurotic

i am too
as you see when you read through my journal

but it's essential to me that i tell my neuroses to shut the fuck up from time to time and just compress

i can be a peter pan
i really can
(you don't even need to take my hand)

the only thing keeping your neuroses going... is your neuroses..
like some buddhist blond girl
Um, it's like your mind
the only thing that keeps your mind going is your MIND
it's like your EGO
the only thing keeping your EGO going is your EGO

these things (like your talent)
are very useful things
gifts, even

but like a Pet Dog
you have to teach them they are master
or they rip up all your shit
and piss on everything



you're a sexy, beautiful, big fat hairy performer and creator
how much Better of a person do you need to be?


it's appears to be impossibly difficult to love myself
i give you as much patience as i give myself.

thanks for reading.
[User Picture Icon]
Date:March 26th, 2007 04:29 am (UTC)
When I was a kid in SC, I spent summer days outside.

As an adult in Seattle, I spend much of my time inside.

I dunno... I like doing things... like the weed trees... I wanted to know what they looked like, how they were weed trees -- that kinda thing.

I like thinking, too. Organizing, processing, feeling myself go all specific and then expansive.

I wonder what I would be like in that environment, too. I like being clothed around people who are naked and naked around people I have been intim... I don't know how true that is or where it comes from... in college, I ran around naked all the time when I was home. I am naked when I am home now -- unless people are around.

It will figure itself out.
I am sure it has something to do with what I call my "new body" -- it looks different than it does in my mind.
[User Picture Icon]
Date:April 1st, 2007 01:43 am (UTC)
when you were born
assume you were more innocent
and more sane

being afraid takes learning
and this culture is all about making us afraid
(and needy)

... these are the weed trees:


if you click on that it will take you to my flickr page
-- i've done a pretty good job about posting there

-- the weed trees grow fast... thin.. .and poorly
shallow roots
blow over easily
rot quick
not strong
can't build with them
just good for shade... and burning.
[User Picture Icon]
Date:April 1st, 2007 07:49 pm (UTC)
I remember, largely, being born. It wasn't like that for me at all. I was aware and this was all wrong, and what the hell just happened?

My fear, such that it is, is fear carried from my life before. That poor woman.

I empty myself of all culture but that I allow frequently. I could call myself a kind of control freak, but I wouldn't be happy with it.

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