dominicvineoftheowls (dominicvine) wrote,

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and on the under-belly of my thoughts

Have i mentioned this?

Back in the day
the stories i hear...

The Toilet
The Ramp
The Mine Shaft...

the fags
pandering to the MaFia in New York City
pouring out their bleeding hearts
(and, lets face it, weeping cocks)
to any receptical that would have them

Rich Italians who knew how to turn screws and keep things going
the whole world based on a balance of manipulation
and exploitation

i think of the other tales he tells me of the early days
... the reminiscence than always flow from his lips when he gets liquored up
when he talks to be in bed
when we're naked
and having just spent ourselves

these things that come from our hearts...

or come from the vaults our hearts have become...

"when i first entered the gay scene back then
it seemed that every person i met was really amazing
creative, artistic.. they all had these lives...

now they're embarrassing
some of the older guys, the guys from my generation
at these bear things
they're real people
but the young ones...
they're just fat hairy queens buying into a dead culture
working some boring office job that says nothing about their personality or lives
and from which they'll never advance because of the glass ceiling they hit from being gay..
just like the women or the chinese

what happened to all the amazing people?

it seems it's embarrassing to be gay these days..."

just what i thought when i came out at age 15
believing all fags to be like oscar wilde, morrissey and Allen Ginsberg (not to mention Whitman)
and finding the drug-addled bitchy empty queens of indianapolis...

what inspiration can we find here?
in this sea of conformity and bought-and-sold personalities?

i know i often tell this story in real time when i am explaining to someone what the "rainbow family" is
and, regrettably, they mostly terrify me...

back in the 70's
some of the hippies
(who weren't hippies, probably, but did these things from their hearts... not from the great current of fashion)
realized that Miller Lite and WXRZ and fucking Doritos or whatever
that were comming into subsidize their events
or whatever
weren't doing it out of love
but just leeching the energy...

they split off
forming gatherings where no commercialism was allowed
and they still meet these days...

let's put it this way:

we are all whores
for the most part
but there are respectable whores
and that's a whore who not only lover her John
but loves her Work.

we work
we all work
we sell our bodies
we sell our hearts
specifically in this Country
we sell our dreams

we work hard
we give up more than 70% of our lives, often
to making money
what the fuck are we doing?

we'll not get into that
but let's just work on this simple premise:
we make our sacrifices
sell our lives in trade for cash
(or credit, many of us)
and then we use that to manipulate our lives...

our money is our life

and we give it to Comcast?
we give it to the war in iraq?
to calvin klien?
we give it to mcDonald's and Disneyland?

nothing flows one-way
everything's gotta find it's balance
and in the law of homeostasis
it's gotta be equal on both sides
so you give your well-processed life over to a big corporation
make it a little bigger
and it flows back into you to fill up that empty space that once held your life
and how does that feel?

once upone a thyme you were filled with dreams and desires and passions
and now your filled with pat sit-coms and poisonous processed shit-dead food.

tell me, honey
when did this become a good buy to you?

let's get back to fags
and hippies
and heck
new-age spiritualists
mormons and opus dei
what the fuck ever
dilute it and sell it to the abuse of the impersonal who couldn't give two shits about you
these are the large leeches who get you addicted to their poisons
while draining your bodies...
good parasites
lets the hosts live long
lets them die apparently naturally from the the mal-nourished life of living off of empty ideals...

whatever happen to the bright colours of our lives?
did Tide really preserve them?
did clorox not prove to be so colour-fast?
the UV from "Friends" a bit much
soften your vision
and bleach out your reality.

the depth of our sadness and disappointment

what the hell are you doing with your energy?

i'm sitting on a hill and waiting til i feel strong enough to go back into the fray and get devoured again

what else is there to do in this world of hungry birds?
(cough cough)

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