dominicvineoftheowls (dominicvine) wrote,

destruction myths


"did you add up
all the cards left to play
to zero
and sign up with evil?"


" i hate to say it like this
but i remember when i first moved here
- those hills were beautiful
you could actually see them
every part of them
- they Stood Out
... they sparkled...

it's not August
and it's just a thick haze..

you know . . .
i don't know
thirty years ago they were talking about climate change and the things we could do to prevent it
even then it would have been a drastic change
but now it's impossible
and even if we did make a change
little by little
we wouldn't be able to make enough to stop what's happening:
we don't have enough time . . .
and if we made such a dramatic change now
our entire economic system would collapse..."

' it's self destruction any way we go . .
-does that mean we can let go of all responsibility?
fuck who we want, when we want, with no discernible ramifications?
not worry about the money
or tomorrow
coz even if we die
we'll only be missing the sad, tragic demise
that's just around the corner?
-- that is, if this is the future we have faith in, what's wrong with that? '

this story could go in circles in my mind
but i've heard it ten thousand times
i've told it
i've been in it

i know.

but from where i am now
i know believing in that
is just another way of using time to create excuses to destroy myself
to create an even bigger karmic debt
which will proliferate the suffering even longer.

( - that's just a ruse -- do not play - - fast and loose - - with my heart )

but i also confronted him about how he's been much more afraid in recent times that i remember him being

he flat out denied it

and i could see he couldn't see it

and does that mean we're done?

does that mean i cannot go on with him?
that he's in denial about his fear?

he said "i'm cautious... there's a differece: you've got to be cautious in a world like this "
and i said

' but you know that's not the issue at all... when i met you you had faith in god.. and that faith created a world you didn't need to be afraid of... how/why have you lost that '

i said that
i meant that
i tried to say that
he couldn't hear it
didn't know the ansewr
was too afraid

i don't know the answer

why do we keep making nighmares for our selves?

why do we force our lovers to do this with us?

don't we know it hurts god
when we make him make the world and our lives
such suffering?

a reminder:

have faith
and your faith will create all the possibilities
for you to actualize
into the wonder
of reality.

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