June 14th, 2012



I don't know if I want to talk to him
I see him there
he's obviously different
long hair
I think one leg is a prosthetic
smoking electronic cigarettes on the train!
a walking stick with branch knots apparent
all dressed in black
manicured sides of his beard
not an iPhone user
enjoying his music
making faces of presence at me
long pale fingers
black backpack with purple carabiner on it
we're both different
but I'm not really super interested in the 100% black clothing people

there was a fat daddy beat I saw on my street yesterday
in a kilt!
grey hair
but all dressed in black
knee high leather boots

so odd that that is a turn off for me now

what use are you to me with out chroma?
this is where we live
in the mix. . .


he'd come a burlesque show at the Delancey
I saw his mouth open
I though
"sci-fi nerd"
this is what the straight ones grow up to be
now he's talking to the nice jewish girl sitting next to me
showing her pictures from tonight's show
a go-go dancer
"who treats gravity like a toy"
he sounds do impressed
excessive emphasis on these words
but I can tell he used to be very fat
now he's slimmer
but a soft pouch in the front of his black slacks
and just such Big Hands and shoulders
a large man
to someone like that
a dancer
"her background was in ballet"
his knee apparatus
it would be so amazing to beep lithe and graceful

I'm a little like that
have been more so
and those that I am attracted to admire the freedom I have in my body
as I admire the gravity they have on this earth

. . . but my superficial attraction has proven to be a poor choice most times
"bad taste in men" I was accused of at age 15
and still to this day
enough enough enough
on I wrestle
but mostly with myself
"find something else to do
with your time
. . . oh, while you've still got the chance"



34. . .

I would
I could be nocturnal

but I always dream of being in sync with the world

I treasure my Otherness
(ego sickness)

I read that "morning people" are more likely happier and healthier
but because of their exposure to early morning sun
or being on sync with society
is unclear

they maybe are Healthier and Happier
thus wake joyfully in the morning to enjoy all life has to offer

where we night creatures night be disappointed with the steadiness of the day
a bitter taste in our mouth
with all this order we do not know our place in
constant like the moon
more attracted to her fickle laws
deciding to be so bright at night
to catch everyone's eye
though not shining
just reflecting

yes, maybe we're reactionaries
clans of antagonists

. . . what?

I wish I could just
do whatever
sleep whenever
wake whenever
have moments of aloneness
the peace of night
when you are all sleeping

I would wish it
but it doesn't make me happy
healthy, wealthy nor wise

it's just a further form of self indulgence
it does not help me sing
it does not help us dance

I must find a truer wish to want upon
I roll it around on my tongue. . .