September 8th, 2011


music came back

("MIX TAPE" iPhone 4 case by )

the backwash of this mercury retrograde
picking us up and carrying us on the crest into Europe
covering everything coming in the colors of nostalgia
but only those vague feelings
like returning to our horrible home town and being struck with the innate panic of
the million nightmares where we never left
but we have
and we will
we can
-- we're just visiting

I walk through the cobbled streets in front of him
jumping at the end of each step
bringing him a smile
a sigh
"you fit in so perfect here..."

we plot getting my EU passport
I talk with old friends about living here
I tell those stories

traveling with Eli
almost traveling with Matthew
almost living with
falling in love with
if I had learned the language
if I

but my desires all feel washed out of me
why bother with sex any more?
or wanting to be in Europe

why bother wanting?
my fingers are curling the tips of my hair
in the wind
on a caboose
on a boat

I'm all shorn
and it matters naught
the landscape rolls by


When we were in Paris
changing trains
from Barcelona to Antwerp
there was some warning announcement chime played
a simple note progression
matching exactly
"E is for Estranged"
by Owen Pallet
( or was it "Red No. 9"? )
I had the line "then I'll score your string ensemble" flicking through my head before I even noticed where it came from
"cue the Bulgarian Men's Choir"

and like Mercury Catching Up To The Present
my head has been filled with songs since
I had to make a playlist called "Holland" on my MIX TAPE

Ready, Able
Modern History
I Know Where The Summer Goes