July 29th, 2011


there is an uptown local train one station away

I was walking across town with Gerald yesterday
we had to avoid 23
there was a Sniper
I had just missed the copper rings I wanted: all 120 bought 30 minutes before I got there

out of time

I was recounting a story about a conversation with another reflector who didn't like the eastern mantra of "deny the ego"
G said "yeah, I'm too human for that"
and I may have missed his sarcasm
- I sometimes fail to have any resemblance of a sense of humour -
and though I usually glibly say 'we all need an ego, aint nothing wrong with dat'
i, instead, said 'for instance: I am an infinite, eternal, immortal, enlightened being. Dominic Sowinski is the ego I use to interact with this realm through this portal. it's a tool. but my identity rests with the eternal'

today I was tired and anxious
a continuation of yesterday's dropping out of sync
turning into a hater
but I had planned to go to see a guru for Darshan
I was full of angst
but we went there
I sat for a while
and the fuzz burned off me
I stood in line and occupied my mind with introspections on the macrocosm
until I got my blessing
which was all full of gratitude
as the oil fully kicked in
and all dissolved into love and bliss
or at least the back door opened and I was able to let my mind out
my body be healed and balanced
my identity return to the one
remembering nothing need be known of this vessel
yet work must be done
and the greatest I can ever achieve is to be a part of the work
the expression
the witness
even the medium

then I was able to step back into another old room
and be conscious with my actions
applying the Darshan with the Meisner practice
hear the music
work off the group
as whole and individuals

how quickly I can blink out to dumb darkness
easy: don't write for a few days
don't take your medicine!
I still don't know if it's good or bad for me
but I feel I should continue working with it for a while in a mundane way

delve, develop

but tonight
I will sleep in my own bed