June 28th, 2011



keep on doing it

the mugwort's been burning

I got massaged by an angel for a few hours
and the singing bowls
and the smudging

if I'm talking about what I'm doing
sometimes I remember
sometimes I burst into song
I talk/write to understand
(those these writings are often to recount... they still end up being enlightening. for me)

I have been on a path for these last few years
living in the city
living someplace
in my place

when I was a nomad
I certainly appreciated on the kindness of strangers
but I was my only dependent
I always felt I had to take care of myself
down to the smallest detail

a big effort in being here was to allow myself to get past Square One
- home. food. health.
I used to say NYC is a gigantic life support system
and it is
and it loves me
and part of this path
this meditation
is letting it love me
letting it take care of me
the difficult part
is losing my ability to do it all myself
so the world really can support me

it's a trust exercise
you really have to let go and fall backwards to let someone really catch you
and sometimes you have to donut over and over until you get it

that's still part of Square One...
we're working on it

again, I'm grateful