December 25th, 2010


could be the reason

how many people have talked with me
assuming they are agreeing with me
saying "just live for today, enjoy"

maybe I was raised in a culture living for tomorrow
maybe many times I have made important choices for tomorrow while missing what's happening right now
hit by a truck
waking up bloody and confused
I mean, smelling the roses and all that

maybe I undid those knots
and got to live many years only feeling the now
but probably I was often lost in the foggy past

maybe I was lightyears ahead
but always wishing I could be dead
and closing doors behind me as tight as I could

i cane to believe
living for the future was a way to dispel my death wish

(I just explained: as cancer cells can be made aware of themselves as useless destructive individuals and destroy themselves... so can humans living entirely pointless lives come to self awareness that the best choice they could make would be self extermination)

but I was standing there on the platform
waiting for my train to come
and realized my trick of seducing myself into the future is not an original idea
and I don't imagine it's worked for the culture that raised me
nor the millions of others...

it works for a while
long as ya keep busy
but we're still trying to outrun it...

Some are born with it
we must be
and I'm not them
I can't be sure
but others are born with the rhythm of light coming out their fingers

no choice
just duty

to struggle against/with death
to embrace and dance with life

even they live in the blindspots
forgetting is essential
on we go