July 11th, 2010



I... uhhh
this train is so long
and this seat is so hard
I, uh....

I was seeing my daughter's son down today
at that place he works near all the queers
it's so nice to see him
every time I see him he's grown so much
I, uhhh

today I went to see my daughter at the restaurant
she didn't show up
she often doesn't
but I talked with Bobby though
for a while
I don't understand what leads him to live like that
when I was a kid
I... uhhhh

I remember walking with my buddies
stealing fruit from the street vendors
giving it to my grandma
I remember being out long after night fall
dancing with the ladies
throwing rocks at the lights
you know
walking at night
with your buddies
when you're young
looking at the signs
at the moon
at all the people
their lives...
we were only kids
fifteen or something
no idea what to do
what we could do
no idea yet
no concept of our power
what would you call it?
I don't know
you know
we'd hit a ball through a window
and feel the drama and shock
of it
you know
we'd get to breaking them on purpose
i remember one night
I couldn't go home
she made me crazy
and they were out dancing
I was carrying a bottle of soda I'd been drinking
sitting on the cement wall in the park
the light just glaring at me like that
I hardly thought about it
I had perfect aim, always playing ball in those days
the light just burst
and I was left in the dark
the nearest lamp flickering through the leaves a block away
such a shock
I felt really alone then...

I, uhhhhm
I think of that when I see the broken lamps now
when I was young and felt so alone
and now, I
I uh...

oh, did I miss my stop?

( he gets up and rushed to the door, his eyes darting... )



mr me

I keep feeling frustrated with talking about myself
who the fuck cares?
me me me

apparently my iPhone agrees with me
I've used a iPhone for nearly three years and have never noticed this until the last few months:
Mist of the time I type "me" the iPhone auto-corrects it to "mr"

which is one of the factors that lead me to talking about other people (or trying to... pretending too)

how long has it been doing that and I didn't notice?
mostly the autocorrect is good
but the mr/me shit is driving mr fucking nuts


I understand there is value in my conceited ramblings
that, though expressed through myself
I may be writing some things that resonate universally
but it's obviously time to come from another angle

"I gotta learn!"