March 25th, 2010


dream: throwing tantrums

but I had a dream
we went to Ireland again
and I wanted to hide out
my friend Goat
was somehow like willem Defoe
wanted to have sex with a horse
but there were too many people around
I was hiding out in my childhood playroom
bad fake wood paneled walls
I decided I didn't want to return to America anyway
I was going to go find my old teacher
my dad ripped down all the posters and pictures off the wall
left a few he liked
why'd he have to do this while I was visiting?

my sister complained
about the bowls of food i left lying around
but I'd been distracted by the horse sex and the ripped down posters
I pulled a photo he liked off the wall and balled it up
I threw a tantrum in front of my family
"I hate this family! Irish I weren't a part of this family"
and opened a fruit roll-up
it was clear!
I was so disappointed in everything
I had no idea what to do
I tried to turn and run
but it woke me up
15 minutes early for my alarm

I felt horrible
not because of all the "bad things" that happened in the dream
but because of what a selfish brat I was
as the reality of the dream began to fade I saw that I've done many thongs that hurt people who love me on purpose
because I'm feeling bad
even though the things that have made me feel bad were accidental, not personal, or caused by myself.
such inappropriate behaviour!
and somehow I felt I should share this with you

the morning is cold
everything has cleared
I don't remember everything
but I have to get ready for work