August 30th, 2009


Teach Me

It's so hard for me to learn
Because I am so arrogant
My gifts come with such a price

I said to my plants
As I prune the dead leaves
"teach me"

I have to learn to cut them
Cut off their life
Hem them in

Right now
They are all over grown
Turning in on themselves
Crumpled sideways
Pressing against the ceiling

Wasting their energy
And going nowhere

How do I know where to trim
And when?

I know this.
Just do it.

I know.

I was talking with a man tonight
Who trembled
Over and over
How conservative he is

I said
"would be much more interesting to me
If they were actually concerned with conservation"

But it's just fear
So obvious to me
My father
This man
All I've known and met
They are living in terror
Want everyone else to be as afraid
More afraid than they are

Expect every trick to be a psychopathic killer
Everyone to be a liar

I'm too arrogant to even consider it
As I diatribe to him
The great difficulties of Freedom
That keeps most Americans from it
Is Self Responsibility
Of course

Lacking those
You must be under another's jurisdiction
Oh, if only they were perfect...

But I like the dirt in my window sills
The wild curling of my plants
I'm chomping at the bit to begin my life
Stomping in the stable

What power
Balance of freedom, strength and fear
How do I move the hand deftly for that?
How do I
Cut my hair
And still be wild?

( sssssssh... Just trimmings.... ssssssssh... )



deemed useless

he'd been my lover for
a while

not long in the scheme of things
lover in no practical way
did not keep me from my vices
only delighted in them
encouraged them

there was joy there
two little boys
who should definately know better
but still
hoped for the best

commonly accepted sicknesses like that are the worst
current epidemic

and upon moving into my home
I somehow lost my phone
but in less than 24 hours I found the numbers called by the finders

somewhere in the Dominican Republic
my boy
he was from some Caribbean islands
and could speak their language
he called that number for me
and in the sweetest voice
discovered nothing
and acquiesced to their obvious lies
and I quickly deemed him useless
despite the cooking
the cleaning
the silly grins
I didn't want a wife
a girlfriend
anything novel
not a spell I wanted worked
he was spineless: what use?

how easy to discard love
a useless thing
that makes everything brighter
kinda like a food additive
a dirty trick

just a trick
of the light
but strong enough to stick in my mind
nearly two tears later