August 19th, 2008


back open

Sunday morning I was able to open my back
it'd been fucked up since I left new york
something stuck
and digestive trouble
lots of skin break outs
and joint pain

I was a mess
of course
circumstance of Not being able to get the nature fix I had hoped for out here put me in such a foul mood

I did yoga every day
inspired by the classes I'd been teaching in Brooklyn last month
and with that tiny bit of clarity
pushing through my misery
showed me just how powerful and detrimental allowing myself to sit in anger and depression

it wasn't depression
because I was aware of my emotions the whole time
I was just consumed with anger and ugliness

I really don't like that

" what use are these dark suggestions that I follow?
are they part of some sort of plan? "
- Rumi

but I'd primed myself for it
wrote an article about the inevitable power of chaos
and the attraction for people to manifest as agents there of

then saw The Dark Knight
and Heath Ledger's perfect example of a Chaote
which, I'm sure is what spun him out of control

it's rare to be able to delve into the dark and be able to rebalance
without any wounds

I'm better
I'm back in keel

thank you for all of your support
either through comments, emails, prayers or just witnessing

--- this photo was taken a few days ago by a photographer here

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