“I just ate at this place called the Billy Goat Tavern, where a severed head is their, like, logo, and the food was incredibly greasy...I got a bacon omelet with hash browns that had been sitting on the griddle for like hours and were just soaked with grease...and the cheese in the omelet was really dead, like Velveeta stuck in my gums...covered up my mouth in plastic.
Still, that's not the point, the point is that I was thinking about a conversation I had with Jorge a couple of nights ago, about passions. And, em, I thought it was appropriate for today because I was thinking that, one of the things I was talking about, was I was trying...let's see...as a 19-, 20-year-old, I was trying to embody eternity and then take control, meaning I was often meditating and trying to put myself in the place of what is commonly referred to as God, as that character Jesus did, in those Jesus days, with all the weird mythologies and imaginary people and days, events, um...
Anyway, I literally...I didn't really think that's what I was doing, but looking back, that feels like a really good way to recapitulate and say it. But what I was trying to do was end humanity as we know it, it's narrative phase of disparity...disparity and abuse, and I didn't understand love at that point...I didn't see love anywhere, I didn't see the end and I wanted it all to stop.
And, I had to stop doing that, and so I often think about 'well, what it would be like to just embody eternity and walk about humanity, in a limited space like that, like Jesus did...'
Well, it's really like a one-route story there. If you really want to embody eternity as a human then you have to embody all of humans' wills at the same time, which really would kind of leave you pulled in a billion directions. That flow is going in one direction, somewhat, you can't really put your will power into it, which is kind of what passion's about, it gets into that weird level of faith and free will, destiny, that you're really in the path like that, the full passion of eternity embodied in one person...then you just have to go along with the will of humanity, which I guess for over 2,000 years has been totally about killing yourself...so you can be reborn again? I guess? Dying god thing?
So like, how do we (and I guess that's what I was trying to do, trying to kill it, putting it to sleep, I guess)...what do we, how do we embody eternity...oh, that's what limitedness is about I guess, so, like, in order to have any of it you have to be able to die...you have to have a clear capsule, a clear container...and this where I end, and you could end, and therefore, it has to be about dying...
So, the human ego trying to embody eternity is always going to be about dying...yeaaayyy. That's the nature of being a saint anyway, this is what I was looking as I was looking out at the airport here in Chicago, at the snow on the runway. I still can't get the Velveeta out of my gums, so, some limitedness and some eternity right there. Hi there, good morning.”