it's not about looking for them in the papers to see what's become of their lives
i don't suspect to see them on the internet or TV that could be a symptom but it wouldn't be what i'm looking for
i want to peel back the veil pull back the curtain stick my head through and see what they've become
are they grand wizards in the world behind the world?
shaky bodies here in this world
shaky.
following music artists movies like Eli, the Human is that a waste of time
what do Nayland's eyes see? what do Robert's eyes see?
when i sit back and feel my body surge into the fullness of reality could i reach out my hand and pull back the curtain? how can i get there? i'm here where am i?
in those ghostly LSD days did those faces of "trevis" and "sheridan" continue on? have they left those bodies?
i saw a boy in the sauna last night he said "you're familiar... we've met before"
i thought for a minute and saw he was the same guy as Michael i met in Switzerland.. where was that? Zurich or Bern? he was the same beautiful heart strong energetic body some connection to me but how? i don't want to spend time with him
who am i?
i?
i know that there are many layers to realities and to think that my brother and syster are living on excelling in the world i've forgotten or lost touch with while i am meandering around in this virtual physical world that i know is transient and more affected by that other world than even this one backstage that painted curtain in the church...
perhaps i am living in both -- i would like that but to be more adept to be more adept...
so sleeping yeah? but at about 5am the drunk americans came in from St Patrick's day loud banging around laughing
ugh
Leo and i imagined witty things to say but figured it'd all be more trouble than it was worth within and hour they had settled down and passed out:
we followed suit.
but unfortunately our wake up call was at 7:30 as our train left at 9:15... so Leo had some coffee and threw all the breakfast food in a bag for the trip i squeezed my lemon into a glass then poured it into the water jug it was fizzy water so it bubbled up and came out (a bit) onto the table yeah.
shouldered our burden out the door
Leo left his suitcase went back to get it
then yeah in the taxi.
he drove us a round-about way to get to the station not directly through town like the guy who gave us a ride FROM the station but it was nice to see parts of the city we'd not seen before the big theater the dancing building... ah. so many beautiful buildings the river..
and even with the longer route the rate on the meter was only about 127Kcs what... $5? what it should have been.
getting the tickets was a little hassle the lady sold us first class when we asked for second but communication being poor we didn't know that til we were sitting in our second class seat
twice as expensive still €20 for the both of us
so we moved to first class which was hardly better window glass very dirty heater on too high
more snow than i've seen in a long time... the train ran along a river most of the way out of the czech republic lots of bridges with ramps in front of the support columns i'd never seen that before to protect from debris, i guess
little dams everywhere just a few feet at the base of one i saw a man in waders fishing all the land surrounding the area covered in snow .. i thought of my dad so jotted him a quick email about it -- not quick enough to take a picture
the little towns we passed crumbling beautiful buildings churches...
we sat sleepy from the heat three hours to Furth im Wald the first city over the german border a ten-minute window to use the ticket machine and buy a Bayernticket a regional ticket that lets you and up to 4 other people travel anywhere in Bavaria €25 got on the next train second class Deutsche Bahn so much nicer
sat in a cabin with a quite german boy til i scoped out the scene and noticed empty cabins two cars away we walked down there and rode the next two hours into Munich
tired tired boys.
beautiful all the snow the forests rolling by
towns getting bigger as we pulled into Munich
both of us spacey and kinda incommunicado
i figured out the S-Bahn route down town which the Bayernticket included so we rode to MarienPlatz and walked passed all the amazing reconstructed buildings all the people in the public squares eyes open gaping at everything Leo complaining about me going too fast me just wanting to stop carrying all this stuff looking at the map looking at the street signs round about but getting to the Deutche Eiche a Hotel/Sauna/Restaurant that had been recommended by Jerry and a guy on the internet i had been talking too.. so many handsome mature couples and single men smiled at me on the walk there in fact waiting for Leo at one street corner a man asked me if i needed directions with a hint of more but i was too tired to play it just told him i knew where i was going
we checked in €105 for a double room beautiful room WiFi
and i got to show Leo the Glory of Windows in Southern Germany i love Southern Germany i would live here if i could i will live here some day
somewhere in southern germany..
we put our stuff down and quickly went back out: had to get our tickets for tomorrow
Leo saw a vodafone store and wanted to put more money on his phone paid for it but then they couldn't figure out how to top-up his account him being through Vodafone NL grrr they told us to walk to the bigger store up on Marien platz
so we walked up to the Viktualmarkt huge i stopped at a german cheese seller because i'd wanted Cumin Gouda the entire time i'd been here in Europe and not got it yet so i asked for a slice of that then started looking at other cheeses...
ended up buying five types.. €12 of cheese s'ok..
we stopped and bought some amazing looking bread Leo bought some sausages i went into a hair brush store i'd seen walking down and bought a bristle brush-cleaner.. i remembered my mother had one of those when i was kid and i've never had one... now i have something to clean my brush with!
up into the main square it was gorgeous and right before we went underground i appealed to Leo that we stay above ground til the sun set ok.. we started walking around and all the bells were ringing from all the churches 17:15
Leo went into one and i asked him if he'd like to attend mass as he was seeming really burnt out and i knew that would help recharge him he aggreed so i left him took pictures of things walked around topped up my T-Mobile card got a bit lost drank some fresh beet-carrot-apple juice back to the hotel drop off the stuff we bought a bit of data transfer then back to the church a bit late mass was still happening it was just a rosary before now mass we left about 18:30 twilight
got on the s-bahn back to the station and decided to split the trip in two so got reservations for tomorrow from Munich to Bologna leaving at 11:30 so we wouldn't have to wake up early again and the next day from Bologna at 13:46 to Civitavecchia: where we'd catch the ferry. the italian train reservations were €60 fuck we could have done it cheaper, i'm sure but the german clerk was an asshole and Leo had no patience so he just paid it
ok.
back on the S-bahn
walking back through the squares now empty
back to the Hotel i used Skype and called my friend in Augsburg but there was no way he could see us tonight
so we went down stairs for dinner
i sat in plain view of a gorgeous german guy "on a date" Leo said
"dates" give me Hives.
oh, i haven't mentioned that for the last week Leo and i have been playing this game...
a few years ago in conversation with Eli he was talking about how his sister was reading "a Course in Miracles" Eli grew up in new-age commune family in Northern California steeped in that new age crap he hates it he said "A Course in Miracles gives me Hives" but said it in a very off-handed way .. it's always stuck in my head and i'd told the story to Leo a few times
one of us brought it up a few weeks ago and we keep playing the game of what gives us hives
Politics TV Tourists McDonald's etc..
the whole concept of meeting someone for a "date" where you're expectant and comparing them against some ideal or sizing them up for your life mate or something eeeeeh. whenever i've met someone and they've said the word "date" describing what we're doing it always turns me a bit off
so anyway i'm looking at this cute guy his "date" gets up to use the toilet and we make eye contact
he flinches
this is not uncommon
he can only look at me which he wants to do if i'm not looking at him so i have to consciously not look at him when i can feel him looking at me so he can see me as he does the same for me
stupid frat boy.
i'm not attracted to foot-ball-player frat-boy kids when they're young but for some reason when they're in their 40's and 50's they're hot.
for a minute or two anyway
we eat and because i've been fasting all day the food makes me very sleepy i leave Leo to pay the bill and go upstairs to lie down.
since Berlin i've had The Cars song "Drive" stuck in my head because of the WiFi here at the hotel i've had my program out trying to download it ... it came in while we were eating
so i put it on and listen to it over and over laying in the dark on the bed.
Leo comes in and lies down as the song ends and goes quiet.
he wants more music so i put some on Tortoise "gamera"
when it's over (13 minutes) he uses Skype to call a guy he knows here who's also not going to meet us so we head down stairs to the sauna
this sauna is one of the most elaborate i've ever been in.
it's beautiful well lit well designed
it goes on forever
mazes and cubby holes and cabins two saunas huge steam room with a maze porn rooms chill out rooms
wow
in my initial exploration i see this tall broad beefy shaved head furry german guy i follow him to a dark area and we play it's that holding/hugging kinda play some sucking but mostly manual with lots of body contact: we both cum
five minutes after i arrive.
yeah
so i go to check out the rest of the space get caught up in following men around..
Munich men are much sexier to me than Berlin men. i LOVE bavarians always have, that i've known... since i met my friend Rudi one of the hottest guys i've ever seen..
but i go to play with this italian guy compact but hot takes me into a cabin-thing in the dark-maze area the more we play the more we attract there are hands grabbing from every angle it's really fucking annoying he cums and wants to cuddle and hold and chill with me but it's like fucking gnats they won't stop when i swat them away so i run!
take a shower walk around think about going up stairs but meet a man on the stairs coming down and he's so cute so we go down to a cabin together he says he's just cum is it alright to cuddle?
Great!
we cuddle and talk he has one of my favourite names: Uli.
but yeah eventually he's rubbing me and licking me and playing with me all over that goes on a while then more cuddling we fit together nicely he's soft.
then i start playing with him lick him all over rub my beard on him and though he's not hard he cums gives me a lecture on how i shouldn't swallow yeah i'm still learning my lessons
more cuddling then he takes me to meet his lover who's named Ilya the name of a playmate Leo's had in SF for a few months and i know Leo would love this guy... but where's Leo?
i exchange email addresses with Uli so i might see him again when i come back and then i'm off exploring a bit more steam room but not in the mood: i need a drink.
i got distracted chasing a tall furry bellied daddy with a thick dick but he wasn't interested in me another guy who just sat in the porn room watching the smooth dolls fucking interesting to see a black donkey dick going in that little white boy his whole face and shoulders red straining ok i guess i went to the bar for a beer and who was sitting in the lounge? Leo!
so i sat and talked with him but the TV was on and they turned it louder the german version of "Idol" "Superstar" or whatever it's called UGH gives me the hives i had to leave
so on i went following that same daddy around into the dark dark room some guy pulls me away from him as if to say "stop wasting your time" a thin guy but i could tell he was older he pushes me down on his dick and it's huge not overly long maybe 8" but very very thick.
he grabbed me by the hand and led me out of there into another part of the maze into a cabin he had me suck his dick a while but he wanted my ass
i was his though i hadn't even seen his face yet he took a lot of time patience worked his way into me very little spit i was amazed and then he just opened me and rode me
lots of waves i was trying to feel the whole thing out use it for healing and focus
he was speaking in a language i couldn't understand he had a very deep raspy sultry voice all i could make out was he was asking for poppers
breaking my concentration where am i? why am i doing this? we stop he's soft did he cum? i don't think so.
we cuddle a bit does he have alcohol on his breath?
he gets up to walk out i follow him he's staggering bumping into walls
oh.
oops.
he's falling around keeps asking me if i have poppers
oh...
he takes my hand to follow him where are we going?
we're walking through the halls he's... asking people for poppers
this is a major turn off for me
but at one of his stops i look through a curtain into a cabin and see a big guy on top of a little guy fucking him
is that Leo?
that big butt and back that could be leo and look at those feet.. big ogre feet.. that could be Leo.. but the guy pulls me away pulling me along why am i going with him? at this point i'm just kinda annoyed i see his face in better light he's got very sloped shoulders trim muscular body probably in is mid 40s turkish? big crooked nose he's drunk... or something
he takes me back into the maze no poppers back into a cabin wants to fuck me again i suck his dick a while wants to fuck me again and i let him reticently i hear Jonathan's voice "if you don't want it, don't let anyone in there!" and there are hands grabbing from all sides i pull him out and i run run through the halls run back to that cabin with the curtain... look in is that Leo? it's not it's a big fat german guy fucking a little guy on his back he pulls the curtain closed to shut me out then yanks it back and smiles at me
we look at eachother while he's fucking the boy he beckons me in i walk in and pull the curtain closed he puts his arm around me rubs my butt rubs my belly strokes my cock and balls
fucking the boy fucking him touching me pulling me to him fucking the boy
this is strange this has never happened before to me but ok
then the turk appears he's behind me he's asking this guy for poppers i push him out of the cabin he's gone a minute he comes back i tell him no no no no eventually he goes and i lay down on the bed underneath the fat man as he fucks the boy put his balls in my mouth
he likes this for a while then pulls me out puts his arm around me again holds me while he makes the boy cum then it's only minutes before he's changing condoms and fucking me but i think the lemon water is coming out of my ass at this point he flips me on my back and fucks me for a while my ass is so sore and he stops pretty quickly.
smiles at me we all rest a bit then i leave him
go spent 20 minutes in the WC letting my intestines purge and relax
then go to the sauna and corpse and stretch
sweat
take a cold rinse and there's the fat boy again he goes into the steam room i follow him he turns and sees me smiles takes me in a cranny and we're at it playing holding jacking sucking rubbing against eachother holding eachother we both cum and shower and sit and talk
exchange email addresses for next time
then i go back into the sauna and sweat and stretch and do my best to pull myself back together
what the fuck time is it?
i check out go up to the room it's 2 am.
but i have time to take my electrolytes to take my homeopathics to take my oregano oil to take my psyllium husk to empty my bowels again to drink a lot of water cool cool water
my body is cold i'm losing at solitaire i start to shiver i get in bed and Leo pulls me to him so warm we cuddle we sleep like that warmth
