it's not about looking for them in the papers
to see what's become of their lives
i don't suspect to see them on the internet or TV
that could be a symptom
but it wouldn't be what i'm looking for
i want to peel back the veil
pull back the curtain
stick my head through
and see what they've become
are they grand wizards in the world behind the world?
shaky bodies here in this world
like Eli, the Human
is that a waste of time
what do Nayland's eyes see?
what do Robert's eyes see?
when i sit back and feel my body surge into the fullness of reality
could i reach out my hand and pull back the curtain?
how can i get there?
where am i?
in those ghostly LSD days
did those faces of "trevis" and "sheridan" continue on?
have they left those bodies?
i saw a boy in the sauna last night
"you're familiar... we've met before"
i thought for a minute
and saw he was the same guy as Michael i met in Switzerland.. where was that? Zurich or Bern?
he was the same
strong energetic body
some connection to me
i don't want to spend time with him
who am i?
i know that there are many layers to realities
and to think that my brother and syster are living on
excelling in the world i've forgotten
or lost touch with
while i am meandering around in this virtual physical world that i know is transient
and more affected by that other world than even this one
that painted curtain in the church...
perhaps i am living in both
-- i would like that
but to be more adept
to be more adept...
but at about 5am
the drunk americans came in from St Patrick's day
Leo and i imagined witty things to say
but figured it'd all be more trouble than it was worth
within and hour
they had settled down and passed out:
we followed suit.
our wake up call was at 7:30
as our train left at 9:15...
so Leo had some coffee
and threw all the breakfast food in a bag for the trip
i squeezed my lemon into a glass
then poured it into the water jug
it was fizzy water
so it bubbled up and came out (a bit) onto the table
shouldered our burden
out the door
Leo left his suitcase
went back to get it
in the taxi.
he drove us a round-about way to get to the station
not directly through town like the guy who gave us a ride FROM the station
but it was nice
to see parts of the city we'd not seen before
the big theater
the dancing building...
ah. so many beautiful buildings
and even with the longer route
the rate on the meter was only about 127Kcs
what it should have been.
getting the tickets was a little hassle
the lady sold us first class
when we asked for second
communication being poor
we didn't know that til we were sitting in our second class seat
twice as expensive
€20 for the both of us
so we moved to first class
which was hardly better
window glass very dirty
heater on too high
more snow than i've seen in a long time...
the train ran along a river most of the way out of the czech republic
lots of bridges with ramps in front of the support columns
i'd never seen that before
to protect from debris, i guess
little dams everywhere
just a few feet
at the base of one
i saw a man in waders
all the land surrounding the area covered in snow
.. i thought of my dad
so jotted him a quick email about it
-- not quick enough to take a picture
the little towns we passed
crumbling beautiful buildings
sleepy from the heat
three hours to Furth im Wald
the first city over the german border
a ten-minute window
to use the ticket machine and buy a Bayernticket
a regional ticket that lets you and up to 4 other people travel anywhere in Bavaria
got on the next train
so much nicer
sat in a cabin with a quite german boy
til i scoped out the scene
and noticed empty cabins two cars away
we walked down there
and rode the next two hours into Munich
all the snow
the forests rolling by
towns getting bigger
as we pulled into Munich
both of us spacey
and kinda incommunicado
i figured out the S-Bahn route down town
which the Bayernticket included
so we rode to MarienPlatz
and walked passed all the amazing reconstructed buildings
all the people in the public squares
gaping at everything
Leo complaining about me going too fast
me just wanting to stop carrying all this stuff
looking at the map
looking at the street signs
but getting to the Deutche Eiche
a Hotel/Sauna/Restaurant that had been recommended by Jerry and a guy on the internet i had been talking too..
so many handsome mature couples and single men smiled at me on the walk there
waiting for Leo at one street corner
a man asked me if i needed directions
with a hint of more
but i was too tired to play it
just told him i knew where i was going
we checked in
€105 for a double room
and i got to show Leo the Glory of Windows in Southern Germany
i love Southern Germany
i would live here if i could
i will live here some day
somewhere in southern germany..
we put our stuff down
and quickly went back out:
had to get our tickets for tomorrow
Leo saw a vodafone store and wanted to put more money on his phone
paid for it
but then they couldn't figure out how to top-up his account
him being through Vodafone NL
they told us to walk to the bigger store up on Marien platz
so we walked up to the Viktualmarkt
i stopped at a german cheese seller
because i'd wanted Cumin Gouda the entire time i'd been here in Europe
and not got it yet
so i asked for a slice of that
then started looking at other cheeses...
ended up buying five types..
€12 of cheese
we stopped and bought some amazing looking bread
Leo bought some sausages
i went into a hair brush store i'd seen walking down
and bought a bristle brush-cleaner..
i remembered my mother had one of those when i was kid
and i've never had one...
now i have something to clean my brush with!
up into the main square
it was gorgeous
and right before we went underground
i appealed to Leo that we stay above ground til the sun set
we started walking around
and all the bells were ringing
from all the churches
Leo went into one
and i asked him if he'd like to attend mass
as he was seeming really burnt out
and i knew that would help recharge him
so i left him
took pictures of things
topped up my T-Mobile card
got a bit lost
drank some fresh beet-carrot-apple juice
back to the hotel
drop off the stuff we bought
a bit of data transfer
then back to the church a bit late
mass was still happening
it was just a rosary before
we left about 18:30
got on the s-bahn
back to the station
and decided to split the trip in two
so got reservations for tomorrow from Munich to Bologna
leaving at 11:30 so we wouldn't have to wake up early again
and the next day from Bologna at 13:46 to Civitavecchia: where we'd catch the ferry.
the italian train reservations were €60
we could have done it cheaper, i'm sure
but the german clerk was an asshole
and Leo had no patience
so he just paid it
back on the S-bahn
walking back through the squares
back to the Hotel
i used Skype and called my friend in Augsburg
but there was no way he could see us tonight
so we went down stairs for dinner
i sat in plain view of a gorgeous german guy
"on a date"
"dates" give me Hives.
oh, i haven't mentioned that
for the last week
Leo and i have been playing this game...
a few years ago in conversation with Eli
he was talking about how his sister was reading "a Course in Miracles"
Eli grew up in new-age commune family in Northern California
steeped in that new age crap
he hates it
"A Course in Miracles gives me Hives"
but said it in a very off-handed way
.. it's always stuck in my head
and i'd told the story to Leo a few times
one of us brought it up a few weeks ago
and we keep playing the game of what gives us hives
the whole concept of meeting someone for a "date"
where you're expectant and comparing them against some ideal
or sizing them up for your life mate or something
whenever i've met someone and they've said the word "date" describing what we're doing
it always turns me a bit off
i'm looking at this cute guy
his "date" gets up to use the toilet
and we make eye contact
this is not uncommon
he can only look at me
which he wants to do
if i'm not looking at him
so i have to consciously not look at him when i can feel him looking at me
so he can see me
as he does the same for me
stupid frat boy.
i'm not attracted to foot-ball-player frat-boy kids when they're young
but for some reason
when they're in their 40's and 50's
for a minute or two
and because i've been fasting all day
the food makes me very sleepy
i leave Leo to pay the bill
and go upstairs to lie down.
since Berlin i've had The Cars song "Drive" stuck in my head
because of the WiFi here at the hotel
i've had my program out trying to download it
... it came in while we were eating
so i put it on
and listen to it over and over
laying in the dark on the bed.
Leo comes in
and lies down
as the song ends
and goes quiet.
he wants more music
so i put some on
when it's over (13 minutes)
he uses Skype to call a guy he knows here
who's also not going to meet us
so we head down stairs to the sauna
this sauna is one of the most elaborate i've ever been in.
it goes on forever
mazes and cubby holes and cabins
huge steam room with a maze
chill out rooms
in my initial exploration
i see this tall broad beefy shaved head furry german guy
i follow him to a dark area
and we play
it's that holding/hugging kinda play
but mostly manual
with lots of body contact:
we both cum
five minutes after i arrive.
so i go to check out the rest of the space
get caught up in following men around..
Munich men are much sexier to me than Berlin men.
i LOVE bavarians
always have, that i've known... since i met my friend Rudi
one of the hottest guys i've ever seen..
but i go to play with this italian guy
takes me into a cabin-thing in the dark-maze area
the more we play
the more we attract
there are hands grabbing from every angle
it's really fucking annoying
and wants to cuddle and hold and chill with me
but it's like fucking gnats
they won't stop when i swat them away
so i run!
take a shower
think about going up stairs
but meet a man on the stairs coming down
and he's so cute
so we go down to a cabin together
he says he's just cum
is it alright to cuddle?
we cuddle and talk
he has one of my favourite names:
eventually he's rubbing me and licking me and playing with me all over
that goes on a while
then more cuddling
we fit together nicely
then i start playing with him
lick him all over
rub my beard on him
and though he's not hard
gives me a lecture on how i shouldn't swallow
i'm still learning my lessons
then he takes me to meet his lover
who's named Ilya
the name of a playmate Leo's had in SF for a few months
and i know Leo would love this guy...
but where's Leo?
i exchange email addresses with Uli
so i might see him again when i come back
and then i'm off exploring a bit more
but not in the mood:
i need a drink.
i got distracted chasing a tall furry bellied daddy with a thick dick
but he wasn't interested in me
another guy who just sat in the porn room watching the smooth dolls fucking
interesting to see a black donkey dick going in that little white boy
his whole face and shoulders red
ok i guess
i went to the bar for a beer
and who was sitting in the lounge?
so i sat and talked with him
but the TV was on
and they turned it louder
the german version of "Idol"
"Superstar" or whatever it's called
gives me the hives
i had to leave
so on i went
following that same daddy around
into the dark dark room
some guy pulls me away from him
as if to say
"stop wasting your time"
a thin guy
but i could tell he was older
he pushes me down on his dick
and it's huge
not overly long
but very very thick.
he grabbed me by the hand
and led me out of there
into another part of the maze
into a cabin
he had me suck his dick a while
but he wanted my ass
i was his
though i hadn't even seen his face yet
he took a lot of time
worked his way into me
very little spit
i was amazed
he just opened me and rode me
lots of waves
i was trying to feel the whole thing out
use it for healing and focus
he was speaking in a language i couldn't understand
he had a very deep raspy sultry voice
all i could make out was he was asking for poppers
breaking my concentration
where am i? why am i doing this?
did he cum?
i don't think so.
we cuddle a bit
does he have alcohol on his breath?
he gets up to walk out
i follow him
bumping into walls
he's falling around
keeps asking me if i have poppers
he takes my hand
to follow him
where are we going?
we're walking through the halls
asking people for poppers
this is a major turn off for me
but at one of his stops
i look through a curtain into a cabin
and see a big guy on top of a little guy
is that Leo?
that big butt and back
that could be leo
and look at those feet..
big ogre feet..
that could be Leo..
but the guy pulls me away
pulling me along
why am i going with him?
at this point i'm just kinda annoyed
i see his face in better light
he's got very sloped shoulders
trim muscular body
probably in is mid 40s
big crooked nose
he's drunk... or something
he takes me back into the maze
back into a cabin
wants to fuck me again
i suck his dick a while
wants to fuck me again
and i let him
i hear Jonathan's voice
"if you don't want it, don't let anyone in there!"
and there are hands grabbing from all sides
i pull him out
and i run
run through the halls
run back to that cabin with the curtain...
is that Leo?
it's a big fat german guy fucking a little guy on his back
he pulls the curtain closed to shut me out
then yanks it back
and smiles at me
we look at eachother while he's fucking the boy
he beckons me in
i walk in and pull the curtain closed
he puts his arm around me
rubs my butt
rubs my belly
strokes my cock and balls
fucking the boy
pulling me to him
fucking the boy
this is strange
this has never happened before to me
then the turk appears
he's behind me
he's asking this guy for poppers
i push him out of the cabin
he's gone a minute
he comes back
i tell him no no no no
and i lay down on the bed underneath the fat man
as he fucks the boy
put his balls in my mouth
he likes this for a while
then pulls me out
puts his arm around me again
while he makes the boy cum
then it's only minutes
before he's changing condoms and fucking me
but i think the lemon water is coming out of my ass at this point
he flips me on my back
and fucks me for a while
my ass is so sore
and he stops pretty quickly.
smiles at me
we all rest a bit
then i leave him
go spent 20 minutes in the WC letting my intestines purge and relax
then go to the sauna and corpse
take a cold rinse
and there's the fat boy again
he goes into the steam room
i follow him
he turns and sees me
takes me in a cranny
and we're at it
rubbing against eachother
we both cum
and sit and talk
exchange email addresses
for next time
then i go back into the sauna
and do my best
to pull myself back together
what the fuck time is it?
i check out
go up to the room
it's 2 am.
but i have time
to take my electrolytes
to take my homeopathics
to take my oregano oil
to take my psyllium husk
to empty my bowels again
to drink a lot of water
cool cool water
my body is cold
i'm losing at solitaire
i start to shiver
i get in bed
and Leo pulls me to him
we sleep like that