March 7th, 2006


life does not happen a second at a time

i'm thinking
riding on the train?
or was it before...
i was thinking of those fucking shackles people wear all the time
fucking Watches
Terrible things!
a metronome for people's lives
who get fooled
tricked into thinking life happens a second at a time
when there is so much more
the flow
the every pouring flow
nothing moving
nothing passing
moving impossibly faster than they could even imagine
always right now
in this instant forever

will these people
sold to some slave trader
bound to time
ever break free to Now?
wiped out

steam sauna

first morning in Berlin

i head out into the day to get some money changed
all the banks don't do it anymore
have to go to special places
so i'm looking
walking around
see a street market..
buy a SIM card for my phone
so i now have a german number...
eventually find a place that changes money by the old church that's partially in ruins
then back to walk around the street market...
i find some flourite beads...
just touching them feels pretty amazing
i know this stone would be great for me
but i don't think these are the ones...

i'm hungry so i head back to the house for breakfast

Leo decides he wants to go to the sauna
he's sore
and it will help him relax
-- i agree with him
it's time for a sauna
my body is very sore and tired
and i'll just stay focused on relaxing in the heat, ja...

we have our breakfast of sandwiches left over from our trip
walnut tart, guvelde koek
cheese and bread

then i offer Leo a bonbon i had bought while waiting for him at the trainstation on sunday
we split it
half each
then head off to find the Steam Sauna

it wasn't hard
just down the street
to the right
next to the Thai place

up five flights of stairs!

when i rang the bell and the attendant came
he just stared at me

i said "just entrance to the sauna, please?"
he stammered " yes, of course"
and started punching things into the register
then looked at me again
"you do understand this is a gay sauna?"
... Yes
it's always so cute when i totally gob-smack gay boys.

we put our stuff in our lockers
and set off to explore the sauna

it's been redecorated since Leo was last hear
and i lose him pretty quickly, where'd he go?

so i walk around
a big maze behind a torture room
a porn room
lots of cabins
some open ones
some private ones
a back hall way with benches

very hot steam room..
where i find Leo again
we go and sit down in the back
some guy is immediately on me
but i tell him No, Danke
i just want to relax
get some heat in me
clear my sinuses
stretch my sore body

leo's sucking dick already...
it's too hot for me!

i go out into the shower room
and rinse

go back in

go back out

the guy leo was playing with comes out
-- he looks handsome
we sit and talk

first voice that comes out: New Yorker
but where is he living now?
Palm Springs
voice changes to Queen

while we're talking a cute looking guy is motioning to me
goes into the steam room, but i'm not quick enough to catch him before he comes out

enough of talking to americans: i'm in europe
i go for a sauna
two saunas
i go in the first
the guy who was flirting with me a minute ago appears
looks kinda irish? dutch? blond. nice belly. cute uncut dick.
(cute dick, that isn't mean to say, is it?)
we play a bit
but... you know: sauna... it's Hot

he takes me to a free public booth with a door
and we're rolling around on eachother
it's fun
a little disjointed
but fun to rubb on eachother
and he's trying really hard to make me cum
but that's not what i'm in the mood for
... so he cums
and it's over immediately

i go for a walk
and see a sexy looking daddy sitting on a bench
walk past him and get a drink of water from the bath room sink
rinse my mouth
then go back:
he's still there

so we go to the back hallway to play
... but he's one of those asshole daddies
you know
keeps fucking my face really fast while holding onto my hair
smacks me
keeps sticking his butt in my face
-- when i refuse to lick his butthole
it's over
and that's fine by me


deciding to go back to shower
i'm under the water
and all the men moving around
coming out of the dampfbad; in

i glance one of those daddies with a huge cock
a mature body
little belly
strong face

all the bodies moving round
i walk out of the shower
into the dampfbad
and he's there, right inside the door
so i stretch a bit
as he's stretching
he's watching me
he's just looking at my body
so i open it, offer it to him

he tastes, feels
he's blowing me
i, him

nipples, stache
all very good
but neither of us are doing a great job of getting hard in here
this place is really fucking hot

so we shower again
and i head towards the sauna
-- he motions out: he must have a room

so i follow

in the narrow hall of rooms
a man with a very round face
sharp horizontal moustache
and round shiny glasses
stops me with authority and looks me in the eyes
"do you know where the lockers are?"
i explain
then ask him his number
which doesn't make any sense
that i asked
coz you can't really meet someone at their locker
but that was a room number

head not there
i go into the room with the nice german daddy
close the door
put down towels
pause a moment to find positions:
he's sitting on the bed
and i'm feeding him my cock
rubbing his head and shoulders
-- he shows me his right shoulder is injured: OK

a while
i look down
and notice his cock is fully hard
i think ---' helmet head '--- as people always say
looks just like one, yes
mushroom looks like that, flattened out and flanged...
Helmet... going into battle... or deep sea diving...
so i sit back and offer to suck him
i explore the head first
he lies down on his side
69 is fine
so i'm getting to work his cock deeper into my throat
until it's all the way in

because it's so big
this is
at first
the challenge and goal
but once it is surmounted
then i am at holding him inside me
and feeling him

so i'm feeling him
and he really likes that
so the pace pics up
and we start rising and falling on rhythms
-- eventually it sounds like he's coming
it's good
i don't really taste much, but he's so big and deep in my throat...
we relax a moment
then he gets up on his knees
i feel where he's going
so i get onto mine
and he just takes to push his large self right inside me
too much too quickly, my body lets him know
he fusses around with the packaging
lube? condom? i can't tell
then he's back at my door
coming in
finding his way in
finding his way

i'm tight
not sure this is the best idea
wanting it
and it feeling good
but i'm not opening all the way

he has me on my knees
head/chest down
he's perched right over me
plunging down
then pushing
the pain
the pleasure
the pause for connection
he finds his way in
then he pushes me down onto my belly
but the bed in there isn't long enough
so my feet are pointed
toes against the wall
my body flat on the bed
til my chest and head, which are curving up, face almost against the wall
i'm holding myself like that when he enters me
huge burst of joy out of him
he works his way in
and starts pumping faster
he's all the way in right now
and i'm feeling his body
and i'm feeling mine
and noticed what position i'm in
so i fold up into Cobra pose
arching my back, my neck my head: eyes focused on the ceiling behind me
he's riding me
my body is opening up in new areas
i'm feeling our bodies lock in
the energy flowing
i'm arching so much i can see his face
pushing up with my arms
opening my chest
he starts cuming in me
and i feel the energy racing up my spine
spreading out through me
- i grab hold of it with my root and hara
start working myself into him
and start cuming as well
doing my best to keep the energy up
circling through
we're both there together
he can feel me cuming
and he's moaning more
we ride it for a while

and when we've filled eachother
we finish
and i slowly curl back down
he's inside me
and motions to pull out
i push out
then push back, once he's out
to stretch myself
my shoulders
sit back on my haunches
he admires my body for a while
as he had done throughout
this is a moment of rest

we smile
and hug

i go to take a shower.

drink some water

Leo and i say we'll meet to leave at 6...

i walk back into the back
and there's that guy who was looking for his locker
he says
"Hello handsome"
with a tone in his voice
like i've known him forever and we're glad to see eachother
he's german/Lebonese and is living in Abudabi
here for the hotel convention

he says "there's always something special about Americans..."
glad to know someone still likes us
i sit down next to him (arm of the chair) and lay against him
we're just talking
he's asking me about my life
... ah, how those questions can come and flow...
eventually he says
"well, then how about you give me a massage?"
i tell him i'm tired, but he says let's go anyway
so we go back to his room
and he is really big
in the kinda hard to move around kinda way
but he's sweet
and we're cuddling
i get on top of him
and rub him
just explore his body a bit
working the muscles, seeing how he's put together..
rubbing him all over
belly, legs, feet
he likes it
we're cuddling and rubbing
and then it gets more sexual
but not all that active
i'm massaging his muscles
sucking him

a nock at the door
"you want a massage?"
he says no
"but you said you wanted one"
a half hour?
"no, we're all scheduled up"
oh, then i'll pay for it but don't want one now, go away
-- he turns to me and says
i'm already getting the best massage with you

though i'm tired and feel like i should be going
we play a bit more
his cock in my hand
he comes
i try to cuddle with him more
but that's as much as he can take

we're saying good byes
and he says
"wait, dominic, i have a gift for you"

-- i smile and wait, feeling like he's going to give me his business card or something...
he hands me a wad of cash

-- long ago i stopped refusing cash.. it used to always make me feel awkward and i would try to say ' no no no ' and they would explain their reasons... til somebody once said " i have it and you need it and it's something i can give that will help you out and i'd like to do that, just take it-- it's ME wanting to give you a gift, just accept it " ... so now i do.

he hands me a wad of cash
and says
"buy something nice in Madrid"
like with my massage clients
i don't look at it
i just say ' Thank You'
and tuck it into my towel
hug him again
and go to put it in my locker

... four fifty euro notes.
i'm totally floored...

thank you.

a little bit of income makes me feel so much better...

then i go back for a shower
for a sauna
for a good plow pose

i felt it made some of the guys uncomfortable...
fortunately there were two saunas here!

i finished with a cold rinse
and went to sit with Leo in the lounge
cooling off...

then it was time to head home.

Leo was very stoned
but i was hardly affected by the bon bon

well.. i was in a good way
but not past my control/effect level
i was having fun

we walked home a new way
and it worked

had dinner with Dieter..
he cooked us pork chops, broccoli, cauliflower and potatoes..

when Dieter first brought the dogs in
the big black newfoundland named Ramseys
was really freaked out by me
barking barking

so i hid in the bedroom to let him calm down

and after dinner
he changed his tune
he just wanted to fuck me
and every other minute
he would jump up on me
this huge 160lb dog
and start humping

he still has his balls too
so who know's what will happen if he keeps this up

but tonight
i am too tired

going to bed early
and sleeping well