my story is not a Triumphant story
but
Humanity's story is not a Triumphant story

all of my successes worked hand in hand with my failures

ring around the roseies
pockets full of posies
ashes
ashes

we all fall down

in the morning
i woke
drenched in sweat
and took the sea salts i had bought for cleaning my nose
down to the bath room
and took a shower
then filled the tub
and soaked for half hour in sea salts

then went to lay in the small bed room with the sunlight
more sleeping
more turning
being too hot
being too cold

sleeping.

eventually
i felt almost human
and sat to do a little internet stuff
feeling like i MUST plan my trip for Madrid
snot slobbering

i got out of bed to piss in a cup and snort it
BURNED my nose
but maybe that was from the poppers that had splashed up there from the leather men?
or from how dehydrated i was?

i vowed to drink more water
and drank

and pissed
and snorted
and burned

eventually
it was time to go:
tonight is the night we plan the ritual for tomorrow's Banquet of Death
ughhhh

can i make it?

the walk to Sebastian's house was really only 10 minutes
i could do it...
and i did

crashed on the couch as soon as i got there

but enjoyed meeting all the people
beautiful people
interesting people
so full of light

a beautiful girl, Tania, was on the Lemonade fast...
kept it in a thermos: warm
good
she gave me some

a very handsome man
i didn't know his name
we kept locking eyes...

when it got time for us to do Breema excersizes
we choose eachother
and just touching him felt good

cuddle
i wanted to sleep...

we watched a TV movie about Shamans
and how they take people to death to heal them
and how you have to do the work
no matter what you call it:
disease, virus, AIDS:: the world has it and we have to help
a korean woman who dances... dances you to death
then leaves you there for a while to heal everything in your life
scared the other shamans... thought she was killing people!

and some guy outside of bangkock... who got a recipie from angels while sleeping
over 15 years
to make Golden Ash Powder
it would cure AIDS and get rid of HIV

over and over

belief
strength

the world of faith is so much more interesting and powerful than this limited world of answers we live in

but ugh
that was enough
i crawled home
and was asleep before midnight